By way of my comeback tour, I've decided to honor Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo with my personal opinion on their relationship and what the future holds for the Dallas Cowboys. More specifically, what girl Tony should date next, as in what girl could help him be a better quarterback.
I want to start by saying I will not get into Simpson's affect on Romo's playing, or if she had any affect on the Cowboys as a team. Besides, I think Romo turns the ball over so much that it's too hard to blame any one person (I know what I said). Basically, I'm not going to blame Jessica for anything.
As far as Romo's relationships, I have to wonder if Romo is the problem. I mean, if a scratch golfer like Tony can't get along with Terrell Owens, how is he going to keep a relationship with Simpson or Carrie Underwood for that matter?
What does Romo's golfing abilities have to do with his relationships with Owens, Simpson and Underwood? I will answer that question with another question. In Everybody Loves Raymond, golf always gets in the way of Ray and his family.
Yes, I think golf caused Romo and TO to breakup. I think it ultimately was his downfall with Jessica as well. Tony was out playing a round with Tiger Woods only a week before the breakup. Coincidentally enough, he ended their relationship the day before her 29th birthday.
And Tiger Woods has birthdays. So does Owens.
But this is only relevant because the British Open started Thursday and Phil Mickelson, who also has a birthday, will not be playing because his wife has cancer.
And cancer is and has been the new steroids. Why? Because athletes who test positive for cancer get sympathy instead of hate mail and suspensions. Then they get to take steroids legally. When they come back, they are even better than before.
For example, Boston's Jon Lester pitched a no-hitter after returning from cancer leave.
But I'll see that example and raise myself Lance Armstrong, another cancer survivor, who is currently going for his eighth Tour De France (belt?).
But cancer is really only relevant because LiveStrong is from Texas, the same state Simpson is from. More directly, Armstrong is from Austin, which is where the Longhorns reside. And all sports fans know the Longhorns' rivals are the Oklahoma Sooners and Oklahoma is where Carrie Underwood is from.
Underwood and Simpson are also rivals. They both have birthdays and both are music stars. Statistically speaking (I make my stats up), one of them will likely end up with cancer. And they are both blondes.
It's easy to think Simpson has the upper hand in this rivalry because she did not need American Idol to become popular. She got there before American Idol even started. Then she stole Romo from Underwood. But Underwood is younger, more attractive (seems she could hold a conversation), has more talent, and HAS NOT COST the Cowboys a Super Bowl, and that makes Simpson a loser.
The Super Bowl is really my main focus in all of this because I want one. I want a Fantasy Football Super Bowl and for the Cowboys to win another Super Bowl. I want this to happen in my lifetime.
I think the only way I am going to achieve either one of those goals is for Romo to find him a good, strong-willed woman who will understand that a guy just needs an occasional round of golf with Tiger Woods. I know I do. My game is awful, and I'm sure Nike is working on a 4-iron that will legalize steroids, which will end cancer (what?).
Just Do It!
Anyway, I have made my fantasy football list of women Romo should consider dating, a list that should get Dallas its sixth championship.
Leading off, I have Nancy Pelosi. She's tough, mean and ugly. She's everything that Simpson is not.
In the other corner, there is Bristol Palin. She's a candidate because I decided to stick with politics and politicians know what it means to be candid (it has something to do with television).
I also liked Bristol because she is more attractive than Pelosi and because she is a mother. She should know how to be stern with Romo when he soils the Cowboys' proverbial diaper.
My last political candidate was Jon McCain's daughter, but I decided not to wikipedia her name so we will move on. And I only considered her because of her father's military background.
Next up: Brooke Hogan. She's the daughter of Hulk Hogan, who made a quick cameo in the third Rocky film, which ended with the theme song: "Eye of the Tiger." We need Romo to have the eye of a tiger. Actually, we need him to have the eye of Joe Montana, but I guess a tiger is better than nothing. Plus, it would be weird to ask Montana to give Romo his eyes. I'm not even sure you can clone someone's eyes or surgically swap eyes from donor to recipient and from recipient back to donor.
Maybe Romo should donate his eyes to science and just use the force from now on.
Anyway, I also quickly considered Ashley Simpson because it would be a simple transition for Romo, the Cowboys and me. But I just remembered the college football national championship a few years back when Ashley butchered the halftime show. I think it was the year USC waxed Oklahoma, which brings us back to Carrie Underwood and American Idol.
America and football have two things in common. American football (AFC) and the Statue of Liberty, which is a statue of a woman, which is what we are searching for today. Unfortunately, that woman also has a statue of herself in France.
Ironically, Kate Gosselin is a French name! I had her picked out before I even started writing this but before I knew she knew and or had knowledge of the Statue of Liberty play (I don't really know what happens in that play either).
Is this Romo's fate? Does fate and Kate rhyme? Clearly it does but this is not a match. I have not researched Gosselin's Zodiac sign. I don't even know Tony's but I know Peyton Manning has lots of them. Either way, Gosselin has six kids and an entire camera crew to feed.
She was really just a bad idea.
Sadly, I am out of candidates who make sense. I thought about Lisa or Maggie Simpson (distant cousins of Jessica?) but neither have good hair.
I also considered Deborah Mays, LaToya Jackson, Hermione Granger, Aneta Florczyk, Demi Moore, Sporty Spice, the Pink Power Ranger, Alicia Beth Moore, Liv Tyler, and Katelyn Faber, but none of this felt right. And how could Romo manage 10 girl friends at once?
So now I really don't know what to do aside from retracing my steps. I need to make a list because lists are good.
My list: Dallas, Cowboys, Romo, Simpson, The Simpsons, Family Guy, FOX, Joe Buck, Joe Dimaggio, Mrs. Robinson, Simon and Garfunkle, Simon Says, Simon Fuller, Carrie Underwood, American Idol, Kelly Clarkson, Fort Worth, Texas, Austin, Armstrong, 4-iron...
And there it is...
Jessica Simpson minus Carrie Underwood equals Kelly Clarkson. Clarkson is from Fort Worth. That's right next to Dallas. She sang at Dallas' Thanksgiving Day game against the New York Jets in 2007, a game the Cowboys won 34-3. Obviously, she has a positive affect on the team.
She's a popular singer, and the most successful out of Underwood, Simpson and herself.
I don't know what she would look like with blonde hair but she has a direct connection to cancer. Or maybe cancer now has an indirect connection with Loe Gehrig's Disease (Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mrs. Robinson, Simon Fuller... remember?). Gehrig even considered himself the "luckiest man on the face of the Earth."
Maybe Clarkson could make Romo the luckiest man under Earth's face.
Plus, Clarkson sings a song called "A Moment Like This," which is surely about winning a Super Bowl.
Clearly, Romo and Clarkson are meant for each other. They are like peanut butter and I can't believe it's not butter. They are like Phil Jackson and Dennis Rodman.
They are like your big toe, the one next to it, and a pair of flip flops.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Barry, Hank, Babe, me. But not necessarily in that order
Programming advisory:
I am on vacation and will not blog again until June 24th or 25th. Because of that sad news, I will leave you all with something I wrote a day or two after Barry Bonds tied Hank Aaron's home run record on Aug. 7, 2007.
I'm famous and going to the Hall of Fame:
I had no idea that Barry Bonds’ 755th home run was going to make me famous, but that is now the case. It might be hard for the simple minded to understand the connection between the pitcher, the ball, Bonds, Hank Aaron and myself, but the connection is there.
Clay Hensley from the San Diego Padres gave up No. 755 to Bonds in PETCO Park on Saturday. That homer tied Bonds with Aaron and will forever be remembered, thanks to me. More than likely, the ball, the moment and myself will find a way into Cooperstown. Perhaps I won’t be a first or second-ballot selection into the Hall of Fame, but I know my time will come.
The story that has led me to this sudden life of fame all started in 2002. I was at Lamar University where I recently graduated (yes it took me six years).
During Lamar’s 2002 baseball season, my freshman year, I tried walking on to the team because I wasn’t quite ready to hang up the dream. Unfortunately, I did not make the squad because I slightly tore my groin.
Some might believe there was also an issue of talent, but it’s me who is laughing now.
Before my injury and when I was younger, I toed the rubber at Vincent-Beck Stadium (Lamar Cardinals Baseball Stadium) where Hensley also pitched and played for a season.
Yes, Hensley and myself were practically teammates. Of course, he actually wore a jersey while I have just seen one and it is likely that he didn’t know who I was. To be honest, I didn’t know who he was until Saturday when he threw that infamous pitch, but now we are linked forever.
May 22, 2002, the day of my 19th birthday, Hensley set a new Lamar single-game and a Southland Conference Tournament single-game record by striking out 17 Texas-Arlington batters in a Cardinals’ 5-3 win.
Without a doubt, Hensley’s performance, on my birthday, (a future national holiday) landed him the eighth-round draft pick to the San Francisco Giants after that season.
Also that year, Hensley set a record for most strikeouts in a single-season for Lamar pitchers by striking out 127 batters. Looking back, I probably had a lot to do with his success.
I might add that more than one of Hensley’s actual teammates during his one year at Lamar, played high school baseball with me (I can think of two who are in the minors right now and would probably talk to me if no one else were around).
By 2004, I was serving as the sports editor for the University Press where I often covered the Cardinals baseball team and head coach Jim Gilligan, who by the way is a member of the Texas Baseball Hall of Fame. I wrote a story about his induction.
Needless to say, Hensley and I both referred to Gilligan as coach.
For those of you who are still not convinced that I am now the greatest figure in baseball history, this part of the story should really get you.
The overall editor for the University Press in 2004 went to high school in Pearland, Texas, which is where Hensley went to high school. I am not for sure about this but given my editor’s age and Hensley’s age, I can safely assume they went to high school at the same time, which means they were probably best of friends.
And when you consider that I worked with Hensley’s best friend, played golf with his best friend, went to Astros’ games with his best friend, I am practically part of the Hensley family now.
I’m sure some of you know, since it was so rudely pointed out, that Hensley tested positive for steroids while he was still in the minors a couple years ago.
Well I’ve never done steroids, but I know of the drug, which is just another example of how Barry and I are connected.
If Barry did steroids and since Hensley did steroids and since I know of steroids and since the record used to be Hank Aaron’s, the connections are obvious.
I tell you, this just all feels so good — to be a part of such an historical moment in this wonderful game is just absolutely wonderful.
Because when you really think about it, now that Hank and I will probably start hanging out and since Hank broke Babe Ruth’s record, you can pretty much put every great baseball player in the same sentence as me.
It’s funny how things like this work out but this is just too wild not to flaunt in front of everyone who is now less of a person than myself. I hope the people I see everyday will be able to continue to give me my space, though.
I don’t want this to change anything in my day-to-day life. I’m still going to put my pants on (two legs at a time) just like the rest of you. I’m still going to clock in at work and put my time in as if nothing has happened. I just ask for autograph seekers to call in advance. After all, I have a life and a job just like the rest of you. It's just that my life means more than yours now.
.......................................................................
Another programming message:
If you need a sports column, blogging fix between now and then or really ever, the Sports Guy on ESPN.com is always a good source. The late FireJoeMorgan.com was the best ever. I was sad to see that go. Most brilliant writers in American/World history pre 2050 A.D. But while they no longer post, the site is still up. It will be worth your time.
Please feel free to use the message board for your own needs and rants in regards to sports.
I will not be monitoring the blog for two weeks, however, so here are some ground rules.
Keep it clean.
No hitting below the belt.
No facemasks.
No pulling hair.
No hip checks.
No spitting on your screen (I'll know).
Always shake hands.
Watch the language (as in no cussing)!! — for real!
I am on vacation and will not blog again until June 24th or 25th. Because of that sad news, I will leave you all with something I wrote a day or two after Barry Bonds tied Hank Aaron's home run record on Aug. 7, 2007.
I'm famous and going to the Hall of Fame:
I had no idea that Barry Bonds’ 755th home run was going to make me famous, but that is now the case. It might be hard for the simple minded to understand the connection between the pitcher, the ball, Bonds, Hank Aaron and myself, but the connection is there.
Clay Hensley from the San Diego Padres gave up No. 755 to Bonds in PETCO Park on Saturday. That homer tied Bonds with Aaron and will forever be remembered, thanks to me. More than likely, the ball, the moment and myself will find a way into Cooperstown. Perhaps I won’t be a first or second-ballot selection into the Hall of Fame, but I know my time will come.
The story that has led me to this sudden life of fame all started in 2002. I was at Lamar University where I recently graduated (yes it took me six years).
During Lamar’s 2002 baseball season, my freshman year, I tried walking on to the team because I wasn’t quite ready to hang up the dream. Unfortunately, I did not make the squad because I slightly tore my groin.
Some might believe there was also an issue of talent, but it’s me who is laughing now.
Before my injury and when I was younger, I toed the rubber at Vincent-Beck Stadium (Lamar Cardinals Baseball Stadium) where Hensley also pitched and played for a season.
Yes, Hensley and myself were practically teammates. Of course, he actually wore a jersey while I have just seen one and it is likely that he didn’t know who I was. To be honest, I didn’t know who he was until Saturday when he threw that infamous pitch, but now we are linked forever.
May 22, 2002, the day of my 19th birthday, Hensley set a new Lamar single-game and a Southland Conference Tournament single-game record by striking out 17 Texas-Arlington batters in a Cardinals’ 5-3 win.
Without a doubt, Hensley’s performance, on my birthday, (a future national holiday) landed him the eighth-round draft pick to the San Francisco Giants after that season.
Also that year, Hensley set a record for most strikeouts in a single-season for Lamar pitchers by striking out 127 batters. Looking back, I probably had a lot to do with his success.
I might add that more than one of Hensley’s actual teammates during his one year at Lamar, played high school baseball with me (I can think of two who are in the minors right now and would probably talk to me if no one else were around).
By 2004, I was serving as the sports editor for the University Press where I often covered the Cardinals baseball team and head coach Jim Gilligan, who by the way is a member of the Texas Baseball Hall of Fame. I wrote a story about his induction.
Needless to say, Hensley and I both referred to Gilligan as coach.
For those of you who are still not convinced that I am now the greatest figure in baseball history, this part of the story should really get you.
The overall editor for the University Press in 2004 went to high school in Pearland, Texas, which is where Hensley went to high school. I am not for sure about this but given my editor’s age and Hensley’s age, I can safely assume they went to high school at the same time, which means they were probably best of friends.
And when you consider that I worked with Hensley’s best friend, played golf with his best friend, went to Astros’ games with his best friend, I am practically part of the Hensley family now.
I’m sure some of you know, since it was so rudely pointed out, that Hensley tested positive for steroids while he was still in the minors a couple years ago.
Well I’ve never done steroids, but I know of the drug, which is just another example of how Barry and I are connected.
If Barry did steroids and since Hensley did steroids and since I know of steroids and since the record used to be Hank Aaron’s, the connections are obvious.
I tell you, this just all feels so good — to be a part of such an historical moment in this wonderful game is just absolutely wonderful.
Because when you really think about it, now that Hank and I will probably start hanging out and since Hank broke Babe Ruth’s record, you can pretty much put every great baseball player in the same sentence as me.
It’s funny how things like this work out but this is just too wild not to flaunt in front of everyone who is now less of a person than myself. I hope the people I see everyday will be able to continue to give me my space, though.
I don’t want this to change anything in my day-to-day life. I’m still going to put my pants on (two legs at a time) just like the rest of you. I’m still going to clock in at work and put my time in as if nothing has happened. I just ask for autograph seekers to call in advance. After all, I have a life and a job just like the rest of you. It's just that my life means more than yours now.
.......................................................................
Another programming message:
If you need a sports column, blogging fix between now and then or really ever, the Sports Guy on ESPN.com is always a good source. The late FireJoeMorgan.com was the best ever. I was sad to see that go. Most brilliant writers in American/World history pre 2050 A.D. But while they no longer post, the site is still up. It will be worth your time.
Please feel free to use the message board for your own needs and rants in regards to sports.
I will not be monitoring the blog for two weeks, however, so here are some ground rules.
Keep it clean.
No hitting below the belt.
No facemasks.
No pulling hair.
No hip checks.
No spitting on your screen (I'll know).
Always shake hands.
Watch the language (as in no cussing)!! — for real!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
It is my factual opinion that Bank of America tried to kill Adam Morrison in 2006
LA Laker and former Gonzaga star Adam Morrison, who is mostly known for crying in the closing minutes of a March Madness loss to UCLA in 2006, will be at the end of the bench in the NBA finals, which starts tonight in LA against the Orland Magic.
Morrison was the third pick of the 2006 draft by the Charlotte Bobcats and has not played in one game since being traded to LA earlier this year.
He played 78 games for Charlotte, tore his ACL and fell off the NBA map. He is a crier and his Bobcat coach Larry Brown said Morrison could not handle the pressures of being the third overall pick.
I totally agree.
Ironically, Morrison was named the college co-player-of-the-year in 2006, along with Jonathan Clay "J.J." Redick who also shares the role with Morrison as being the most overrated college players to ever play in college ever (I know what I just said).
Redick was chosen 11th overall in the 2006 draft by the Orlando Magic. He has never averaged more than six points per game in a season.
Now the two will face off in the the championship series.
But I really couldn't care less. Well with a few exceptions I couldn't care less. Those exceptions are: I hope neither Redick or Morrison see any playing time. I hope that the Magic pulls off the sweep over the Lakers and holds Kobe to zero points for the series.
I hope these things because Morrison and Redick are overrated as I stated earlier. I also hope this because if LA wins this series, it will become the single most worst team to ever win a championship in NBA history since the beginning of time... ever (I know what I just said).
What I am most concerned about for this Thursday, June 4th of 2009, blog, however, is this idea that LeBron James is a horrible person for showing a lack of sportsmanship after Cleveland lost out to Orlando in the semifinals.
Yes, he probably should have shook hands after the game. But he was frustrated. He was probably pouting a little bit but he was overwhelmed with disappointment. No one has dodged that feeling of being overwhelmed by something and just could not bare being around people, especially people who just caused all the disappointment.
LeBron didn't go to a bar, shoot people, or stab anyone. He did not set the arena on fire or run into the stands to beat up drunken fans.
So lets get over it folks. He's still a decent human being. He was just upset.
And I can totally relate. I hate losing. For instance, just yesterday, I lost around $140 to Bank of America in faulty overdraft penalty fees.
BOA was completely in the wrong. They didn't process a pending check that I deposited before my previous pending fees went through. Had the check cleared in time, there would have been no need for any overdraft penalties. BOA charges $35 per overdraft. I had eight so I was penalized $280.
After becoming aware of this tragic incident, I spoke with three BOA employees, who worked in the national branch in California (just another reason to hate the Lakers). Two of the three people were managers and none of them would help me.
For that, I showed a great deal of bad sportsmanship.
I even lost my cool at one time and shouted at the first manager I spoke with because she kept using the list of responses she was given by the company. She was so stupid and unhelpful that twice she used a response that did not fit the situation.
I then asked to speak with someone else. Before she transferred me, she tried to tell me thank you. I have no idea why she was thanking me, so I quickly interrupted and told her, "Don't be stupid. Don't tell me thank you. I could not be any more frustrated right now and you are a worthless liar. Sorry to be rude. Have a nice day."
She then said for the 670th time that she understood how I felt.
I said, "No. No you don't because you can help but you aren't going to. Just transfer me already."
I had to leave a message for that lady to call me back. When she did, I didn't bother to ask for her help. Instead, I gave her the best speech I have ever given in my life.
The speech consisted of the following comments.
"I am absolutely disgusted with this situation. It makes no sense to me that this bank would take part in beating the poor, working class, into the ground (I am not a democrat but I do hate all members in office equally) over a simple mistake.
"I barely get by as it is and have too many necessary bills for this non sense. In two years of banking here, I have never had an overdraft and you cannot cut me a break? Get real. And I immediately tried to correct this. I mean, within hours of seeing that I went under $38, I put a $175 check into my account, a check that was not processed until the next day. I ended up at a total of $78 in the negative. By my math, 175 is bigger than 78.
"Every pending charge I made that I am being penalized for is under $20 and you are going to charge me $35 a pop. It is now obvious to me how banks make their profits. This is a money making scam and it sickens me to think so many people probably go through this on a daily basis. I know you can help me but you won't. This bank has stolen from me. It makes me sick. You should petition to change the name because Bank of America is unAmerican and you've lost my business."
She never got a word in before I was done. As for her response, all she could muster was, "Wow!"
I don't know what her inflection meant but I felt good about it.
She said, "I'm sorry Mr. Pastorfrelly," or something to that affect.
I told her "thank you for MY time" and for her to have a wonderful afternoon preying on people like me.
I gave that speech while in the local manager's office. That man decided to help me and was able to cut $140 off my penalties. I shook his hand before I left but I later told him over the phone that I still felt cheated.
I can promise you all that I will not be staying with BOA any longer. In fact, after Friday's check from the PA News, I will be closing my account.
Anyway, I shook the manager's hand because I thought of LeBron and how he was ridiculed for not being a handshaker.
And I will tell this story to anyone who considers me a bad sport or questions my love for sports because I shook Mr. Manager's hand for LeBron.
And for those of you who are even the slightest bit confused or not convinced there is a sports connection with Bank of America, you probably won't be surprised to know that BOA is the official bank of the Houston Astros.
So it is no wonder why they are struggling. I apologize for being completely wrong with last week's assessments about Houston's problems because it's obvious that Drayton McLane cannot spend the money needed to a acquire a good team and good coach. He is probably worried sick that BOA is going to work him over with penalties.
The other connections between BOA and sports: BOA has manager's and so do all sports teams.
There are penalties called in football and there are penalties at BOA. The penalties are often unjust in both places. I looked at my online account for video replays just like the official boneheads do in baseball, basketball and football.
It took me nearly three hours to finish arguing about my contract (transactions). There are contracts in all sports.
Surely, you can see that the similarities are abundantly obvious.
In conclusion, I now have a theory that Adam Morrison was not crying about losing to UCLA. Instead, I think Morrison had found out (in the middle of the game) that BOA slammed him with overcharge fees because he went into the red after buying his Diabetes medication and supplies.
I mean, BOA literally tried to kill Morrison in the middle of a basketball game, a game where millions probably placed bets.
Just think of all the many people, who are probably homeless now all because of BOA's poor business ethics. I don't even think attempted murder falls under ethical crimes.
Someone could have died or worse.
And how do we know BOA is not behind America's current deficit, a deficit well into the trillions?
The government was trying to finance a war and health coverage all while BOA is running up overdraft fees.
It's just sick.
Morrison was the third pick of the 2006 draft by the Charlotte Bobcats and has not played in one game since being traded to LA earlier this year.
He played 78 games for Charlotte, tore his ACL and fell off the NBA map. He is a crier and his Bobcat coach Larry Brown said Morrison could not handle the pressures of being the third overall pick.
I totally agree.
Ironically, Morrison was named the college co-player-of-the-year in 2006, along with Jonathan Clay "J.J." Redick who also shares the role with Morrison as being the most overrated college players to ever play in college ever (I know what I just said).
Redick was chosen 11th overall in the 2006 draft by the Orlando Magic. He has never averaged more than six points per game in a season.
Now the two will face off in the the championship series.
But I really couldn't care less. Well with a few exceptions I couldn't care less. Those exceptions are: I hope neither Redick or Morrison see any playing time. I hope that the Magic pulls off the sweep over the Lakers and holds Kobe to zero points for the series.
I hope these things because Morrison and Redick are overrated as I stated earlier. I also hope this because if LA wins this series, it will become the single most worst team to ever win a championship in NBA history since the beginning of time... ever (I know what I just said).
What I am most concerned about for this Thursday, June 4th of 2009, blog, however, is this idea that LeBron James is a horrible person for showing a lack of sportsmanship after Cleveland lost out to Orlando in the semifinals.
Yes, he probably should have shook hands after the game. But he was frustrated. He was probably pouting a little bit but he was overwhelmed with disappointment. No one has dodged that feeling of being overwhelmed by something and just could not bare being around people, especially people who just caused all the disappointment.
LeBron didn't go to a bar, shoot people, or stab anyone. He did not set the arena on fire or run into the stands to beat up drunken fans.
So lets get over it folks. He's still a decent human being. He was just upset.
And I can totally relate. I hate losing. For instance, just yesterday, I lost around $140 to Bank of America in faulty overdraft penalty fees.
BOA was completely in the wrong. They didn't process a pending check that I deposited before my previous pending fees went through. Had the check cleared in time, there would have been no need for any overdraft penalties. BOA charges $35 per overdraft. I had eight so I was penalized $280.
After becoming aware of this tragic incident, I spoke with three BOA employees, who worked in the national branch in California (just another reason to hate the Lakers). Two of the three people were managers and none of them would help me.
For that, I showed a great deal of bad sportsmanship.
I even lost my cool at one time and shouted at the first manager I spoke with because she kept using the list of responses she was given by the company. She was so stupid and unhelpful that twice she used a response that did not fit the situation.
I then asked to speak with someone else. Before she transferred me, she tried to tell me thank you. I have no idea why she was thanking me, so I quickly interrupted and told her, "Don't be stupid. Don't tell me thank you. I could not be any more frustrated right now and you are a worthless liar. Sorry to be rude. Have a nice day."
She then said for the 670th time that she understood how I felt.
I said, "No. No you don't because you can help but you aren't going to. Just transfer me already."
I had to leave a message for that lady to call me back. When she did, I didn't bother to ask for her help. Instead, I gave her the best speech I have ever given in my life.
The speech consisted of the following comments.
"I am absolutely disgusted with this situation. It makes no sense to me that this bank would take part in beating the poor, working class, into the ground (I am not a democrat but I do hate all members in office equally) over a simple mistake.
"I barely get by as it is and have too many necessary bills for this non sense. In two years of banking here, I have never had an overdraft and you cannot cut me a break? Get real. And I immediately tried to correct this. I mean, within hours of seeing that I went under $38, I put a $175 check into my account, a check that was not processed until the next day. I ended up at a total of $78 in the negative. By my math, 175 is bigger than 78.
"Every pending charge I made that I am being penalized for is under $20 and you are going to charge me $35 a pop. It is now obvious to me how banks make their profits. This is a money making scam and it sickens me to think so many people probably go through this on a daily basis. I know you can help me but you won't. This bank has stolen from me. It makes me sick. You should petition to change the name because Bank of America is unAmerican and you've lost my business."
She never got a word in before I was done. As for her response, all she could muster was, "Wow!"
I don't know what her inflection meant but I felt good about it.
She said, "I'm sorry Mr. Pastorfrelly," or something to that affect.
I told her "thank you for MY time" and for her to have a wonderful afternoon preying on people like me.
I gave that speech while in the local manager's office. That man decided to help me and was able to cut $140 off my penalties. I shook his hand before I left but I later told him over the phone that I still felt cheated.
I can promise you all that I will not be staying with BOA any longer. In fact, after Friday's check from the PA News, I will be closing my account.
Anyway, I shook the manager's hand because I thought of LeBron and how he was ridiculed for not being a handshaker.
And I will tell this story to anyone who considers me a bad sport or questions my love for sports because I shook Mr. Manager's hand for LeBron.
And for those of you who are even the slightest bit confused or not convinced there is a sports connection with Bank of America, you probably won't be surprised to know that BOA is the official bank of the Houston Astros.
So it is no wonder why they are struggling. I apologize for being completely wrong with last week's assessments about Houston's problems because it's obvious that Drayton McLane cannot spend the money needed to a acquire a good team and good coach. He is probably worried sick that BOA is going to work him over with penalties.
The other connections between BOA and sports: BOA has manager's and so do all sports teams.
There are penalties called in football and there are penalties at BOA. The penalties are often unjust in both places. I looked at my online account for video replays just like the official boneheads do in baseball, basketball and football.
It took me nearly three hours to finish arguing about my contract (transactions). There are contracts in all sports.
Surely, you can see that the similarities are abundantly obvious.
In conclusion, I now have a theory that Adam Morrison was not crying about losing to UCLA. Instead, I think Morrison had found out (in the middle of the game) that BOA slammed him with overcharge fees because he went into the red after buying his Diabetes medication and supplies.
I mean, BOA literally tried to kill Morrison in the middle of a basketball game, a game where millions probably placed bets.
Just think of all the many people, who are probably homeless now all because of BOA's poor business ethics. I don't even think attempted murder falls under ethical crimes.
Someone could have died or worse.
And how do we know BOA is not behind America's current deficit, a deficit well into the trillions?
The government was trying to finance a war and health coverage all while BOA is running up overdraft fees.
It's just sick.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Ed Wade equals Matt Millen
Astros record: 18-27
Last 10 games: 2-8
Last 45 games: 18-27
Month of April: 9-13
Month of May: 9-14
Month of June: 0-0 (best month so far)
Current losing streak: 7 games
Current winning streak: TBA
Longest losing streak: 7 games
Longest winning streak: 3 games
TEAM W L GB
St. Louis 28 19 -
Milwaukee 27 20 1.0
Cincinnati 26 20 1.5
Chicago 23 22 4.0
Pittsburgh 21 26 7.0
Houston 18 27 9.0
Why and How?
Several reasons!
Astros are:
26th in runs scored (193)
10th in most runs allowed (232)
Team batting average: .267 (ranks 14th)
Team ERA: 4.68 (ranks 21st)
Non statistical reasons why the Astros are horrible:
Drayton McLane: He only spends so much money and he spends that little amount poorly.
Ed Wade: As the general manager, Mr. Wade came into Houston with a bang. He immediately got my approval when he cut loose a whole lot of dead weight in the Astros lineup. Most importantly, he got rid of Adam Everett, who could not hit water if he caught a cold (that last bit won't make sense so don't read it again).
Everett's best year of hitting came in A ball where he hit .245. WOW! Seriously, I could go on for days about how much Everett irritated me. I still lose sleep, replaying images of him staring at a third strike. When I do fall asleep, I still have this one dream where Everett and I meet and I start a fight with him. He quickly realizes all the built up anger I have from his inept abilities at the plate, he fears my rage and then goes for a bat to protect himself. That's when I wake up laughing. So thank you Mr. Wade for getting rid of Adam. And thanks for replacing him with Miguel Tejada. I've actually enjoyed Tejada being an Astro. Those transactions made me like Wade. Since then, however, Wade has only given me reasons to hate him.
He traded two pitching prospects and Willy Taveras for Jason Jennings, who probably could not work through a lineup that consisted of the Jonas Brothers and Hanson. After trading Taveras, Wade figured he needed another center fielder. He also figured it was time to part ways with Brad Lidge. I totally agreed that it was time to trade Lidge. But I thought we could do a little better than getting just one prospect in Michael Bourn, who ironically is basically the same exact player as Willy Taveras.
So lets recap: Willy T. and two pitching prospects for Jason Jennings, who did not work out and is no longer with us. So by my calculation, we are down four players right there. Then we traded a fifth player (World Series winner with Phillies last year) for Bourn, who is what we started with. I love completing circles. I really do. It was always my favorite formula for solving square roots. But honestly Wade, what are you doing???????
Farm system: Houston's farm system has to be the worst in baseball. The drafting is suspect and when the Astros do select a decent player, they usually trade him away or we do not see said players until they are closer to 30-years-old. Thanks for nothing!
Finally, Matt Millen: Millen ruined America by wrecking the Detroit Lions which play in Ford Field. Ford Field was built by the Ford Motor Company, which is part of the automobile industry that is subsequently sucking the life out of our country, causing crime rate to increase (I'm just guessing), which is forcing President Obama to shutdown Guantánamo Bay. As soon as Obama thought to do that, he then decided to nominate Sonia Sotomayor for the U.S. Supreme Court. You would think this would be good for the Astros since she helped end Major League Baseball's longest lockout (1994-95) in league history. Well Sotomayor was just working us all over because she isn't really a baseball fan. I know this because I heard earlier today — on one of the 24-hour news stations (worst idea in television history) — that Sotomayor would likely vote against American's rights to bear arms.
That's just wonderful!!! How in the world is Houston's pitching going to get better if we can no longer bear arms? What's next? No steroids? Way to go Millen! You've ruined America and its favorite past time. Someone should give him a ribbon for worst person ever.
Next series: Starts Friday (May 29) at Pittsburgh
Season series: Astros lead 2-1
Next starter:
Brian Moehler, who stopped bearing arms long time ago. His record is 1-3 this season. He has earned an 8.31 ERA by giving up 24 runs in 26 innings.
Logical deductions from this blog: Moehler, Wade and Millen are terrorists.
Last 10 games: 2-8
Last 45 games: 18-27
Month of April: 9-13
Month of May: 9-14
Month of June: 0-0 (best month so far)
Current losing streak: 7 games
Current winning streak: TBA
Longest losing streak: 7 games
Longest winning streak: 3 games
TEAM W L GB
St. Louis 28 19 -
Milwaukee 27 20 1.0
Cincinnati 26 20 1.5
Chicago 23 22 4.0
Pittsburgh 21 26 7.0
Houston 18 27 9.0
Why and How?
Several reasons!
Astros are:
26th in runs scored (193)
10th in most runs allowed (232)
Team batting average: .267 (ranks 14th)
Team ERA: 4.68 (ranks 21st)
Non statistical reasons why the Astros are horrible:
Drayton McLane: He only spends so much money and he spends that little amount poorly.
Ed Wade: As the general manager, Mr. Wade came into Houston with a bang. He immediately got my approval when he cut loose a whole lot of dead weight in the Astros lineup. Most importantly, he got rid of Adam Everett, who could not hit water if he caught a cold (that last bit won't make sense so don't read it again).
Everett's best year of hitting came in A ball where he hit .245. WOW! Seriously, I could go on for days about how much Everett irritated me. I still lose sleep, replaying images of him staring at a third strike. When I do fall asleep, I still have this one dream where Everett and I meet and I start a fight with him. He quickly realizes all the built up anger I have from his inept abilities at the plate, he fears my rage and then goes for a bat to protect himself. That's when I wake up laughing. So thank you Mr. Wade for getting rid of Adam. And thanks for replacing him with Miguel Tejada. I've actually enjoyed Tejada being an Astro. Those transactions made me like Wade. Since then, however, Wade has only given me reasons to hate him.
He traded two pitching prospects and Willy Taveras for Jason Jennings, who probably could not work through a lineup that consisted of the Jonas Brothers and Hanson. After trading Taveras, Wade figured he needed another center fielder. He also figured it was time to part ways with Brad Lidge. I totally agreed that it was time to trade Lidge. But I thought we could do a little better than getting just one prospect in Michael Bourn, who ironically is basically the same exact player as Willy Taveras.
So lets recap: Willy T. and two pitching prospects for Jason Jennings, who did not work out and is no longer with us. So by my calculation, we are down four players right there. Then we traded a fifth player (World Series winner with Phillies last year) for Bourn, who is what we started with. I love completing circles. I really do. It was always my favorite formula for solving square roots. But honestly Wade, what are you doing???????
Farm system: Houston's farm system has to be the worst in baseball. The drafting is suspect and when the Astros do select a decent player, they usually trade him away or we do not see said players until they are closer to 30-years-old. Thanks for nothing!
Finally, Matt Millen: Millen ruined America by wrecking the Detroit Lions which play in Ford Field. Ford Field was built by the Ford Motor Company, which is part of the automobile industry that is subsequently sucking the life out of our country, causing crime rate to increase (I'm just guessing), which is forcing President Obama to shutdown Guantánamo Bay. As soon as Obama thought to do that, he then decided to nominate Sonia Sotomayor for the U.S. Supreme Court. You would think this would be good for the Astros since she helped end Major League Baseball's longest lockout (1994-95) in league history. Well Sotomayor was just working us all over because she isn't really a baseball fan. I know this because I heard earlier today — on one of the 24-hour news stations (worst idea in television history) — that Sotomayor would likely vote against American's rights to bear arms.
That's just wonderful!!! How in the world is Houston's pitching going to get better if we can no longer bear arms? What's next? No steroids? Way to go Millen! You've ruined America and its favorite past time. Someone should give him a ribbon for worst person ever.
Next series: Starts Friday (May 29) at Pittsburgh
Season series: Astros lead 2-1
Next starter:
Brian Moehler, who stopped bearing arms long time ago. His record is 1-3 this season. He has earned an 8.31 ERA by giving up 24 runs in 26 innings.
Logical deductions from this blog: Moehler, Wade and Millen are terrorists.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Beaver Believer
There is an issue that has been gnawing at me for quite sometime now. And gnawing just maybe the operative word in this blog because I have been inspired by one of the greatest gnawers in the universe — the Beaver, or should I say the face of hope for Americans and sports fans in general.
President Obama won the White House suite with his great speeches and ideals for change and those ideals brought hope to the American voters. I am usually against change but I look around at our financial problems and I see that change is a must. In fact, I think America needs a complete facelift that starts with replacing the current National Bird (Bald Eagle) with the Beaver.
I feel like the beaver, which has been endeared as a rodent, has been slighted a great deal over the years.
And I don't understand why the Bald Eagle won the rights to be America's bird in the first place. Did Thomas Jefferson make that call? Did it have something to do with Pearl Harbor? Did it happen after the Black Sox scandal of 1919?
I mean, there is nothing American about the American Bald Eagle, but there are a number of similarities between Americans and the beaver.
For instance, the American people do not have wings attached to our bodies. We can't fly and neither can the beaver. But just like the beaver, people can swim. Americans can swim (Michael Phelps!). After all, we got here by water, not by air.
Americans and beavers hate trees and the flow of water. Both have spent centuries cutting forests down to build dams, to build homes, businesses and sometimes trees were slaughtered for no real reason at all.
Beavers are not bald. Americans do everything possible to keep from going bald. Meanwhile, the bald eagle does nothing to stop baldness.
Long ago, beavers were forced to survive endangerment caused by Indians and early settlers, which trapped the animal for fur. Did beavers complain, try to file suit against the government? No, they accepted their role for the greater good. And now beavers are everywhere. But the eagle continues to lack in numbers. And out of fear they migrate every few months. Beavers don't do that. They survived. They built their numbers using a sounder, more structurally complete foundation, just like Americans did in the 1930s when this nation survived The Great Depression.
And now, Americans are endangered again because we took an economical nose dive off a cliff (expecting to fly like an eagle). We have face planted, and now we're wounded, lying flat on our backs watching a falling anvil readying to smash us deeper into the ground just like the Wile E. Coyote, another dumb animal that serves no major, collegiate or professional, flourishing sports team as a mascot.
And right now America is like a coyote that's putting its hope in an eagle.
At this hour of the current timeline of life, most American's don't have the money for health insurance. Beavers don't have money either, yet they move forward while the eagle flaunts its haughty wings on the back of our currency like a pigheaded, egotistical bald monster with feathers (I know, it's frightening).
We must change. We must learn to be more like beavers, a true American symbol.
I thought of this a year ago. I even wrote it down. But it took me nearly 365 days to realize the magnitude of the idea I was sitting on. And it was sports that made this all come full circle.
As much as I hate cardinals, including the actual bird and all sports teams except for Lamar, the NFL Cardinals proved in January that the eagle is the more pathetic species (Arizona 32, Philadelphia 25).
In college football, the Oregon State Beavers knocked off USC last year, saving America of another USC national championship. Texans hate USC and Texans are true Americans. And there are many reasons I base this truth upon.
On top of that list is Buc-ee's, the finest, most ginormous convenient store/gas station in America. It's filled with food, accessories, all shopping needs (even Christmas presents), and of course the most spacious and clean bathrooms you can find on the road, complete with enough toilet paper to TP the White House.
And you can find this marvelous cornerstone of American culture en route to San Antonio and Dallas, cities with fine sports franchises. I mean honestly, what says American better than a pit stop in the name of food, gas and toilets, especially when on the road to a Dallas Cowboys (America's team) game.
With the beaver as the face of its franchise, nothing has slowed Buc-ee's growth, not even the recession. Buc-ee's has the most fantastic advertising campaign ever assembled, a campaign probably built by the same team of people who worked for Obama this past election. Speaking of Obama, his brother-in-law coaches basketball at Oregon State. Coincidence? I think not! Fate — I think the opposite of not. I think ton, tons of hungry beavers.
Plus, those same "Beavers," with the difference being Beavers who played baseball, won the college World Series in 2006, their first ever.
And there are more sports connections. I heard a rumor (one I am making up right now) that Buc-ee's has won 912 straight company softball games against Wal-Mart and Target.
Also in regards to streaks, the Caltech "Beavers" snapped a 207 game-losing streak in basketball this past January, a streak that started in 1996, which is the same year that the Nebraska Cornhuskers won the college football national championship on Jan. 1 in "Arizona" of all places!
And speaking of corn, this year in March Madness, the American "Eagles" could not complete the upset over Villanova.
All this comes well after former NFL coach Dick Vermeil left the Philadelphia "Eagles" to later take over as coach of the St. Louis Rams where he won a Super Bowl by riding the arm of the current "Arizona" quarterback, Kurt Warner, who was a former grocery sacker from Iowa.
I just hope you readers are picking up what I am putting down. Field of Dreams, anyone?
Iowa is a huge corn state.
And Field of Dreams is perhaps my favorite film; but while watching it the other day, I realized that this epic masterpiece of a movie was more about change than baseball. Ray Kinsella "changed" his cornfield into a baseball field. He used a big tractor to mow his corn down, a tractor that probably killed half of the population of residing ghosts (baseball legends) which were living in his cornfields.
If only Kinsella had used beavers to clear out that necessary space.
I mean, what if he had mowed over his dad? There would have been no happy ending, no father-son game of catch, and no Pepsi commercial.
So I plead with you Mr. President. I beg you to change the National Bird to the Beaver. I beg you to forget about the Eagle, forget about the auto industry, forget about Iraq, Iran, Korea, China, Afghanistan, terrorism, Guantanamo Bay and forget about Joe Plumber.
Just focus on the beaver because in this furry animal lies the keys to the metaphorical automobile that this country so desperately needs, the metaphorical tank that can be driven by Captain Joe Plumber, a marine who could free all the plugged up pipe dreams we have of ending all threats against peace.
I beg you, Mr. President to focus on the growth of Buc-ee's. To build them all across Iowa, regardless of what kind of Ecofriendly gas we're selling. I plead with you because people will come.
They'll come to Iowa for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn up the driveway not knowing for sure why they're doing it. They'll arrive at the doors as innocent as children, longing for the past. Of course, we won't mind if you look around, the owners will say. It's only $20 per person. They'll pass over the money without even thinking about it: for it is money they'll eventually have and peace they lack. And they'll walk out to their tailgates; sit in shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon. They'll find they have reserved parking somewhere between the painted stripes, where they parked when they were children and cheered for their favorite snacks. And they'll watch the cashier hand over the goods as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they'll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come Barack. The one constant through all the years, Barack, has been beavers. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But beavers have marked the time. This store, these bathrooms: it's a part of our past, Barack. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh... people will come Barack. People will most definitely come.
President Obama won the White House suite with his great speeches and ideals for change and those ideals brought hope to the American voters. I am usually against change but I look around at our financial problems and I see that change is a must. In fact, I think America needs a complete facelift that starts with replacing the current National Bird (Bald Eagle) with the Beaver.
I feel like the beaver, which has been endeared as a rodent, has been slighted a great deal over the years.
And I don't understand why the Bald Eagle won the rights to be America's bird in the first place. Did Thomas Jefferson make that call? Did it have something to do with Pearl Harbor? Did it happen after the Black Sox scandal of 1919?
I mean, there is nothing American about the American Bald Eagle, but there are a number of similarities between Americans and the beaver.
For instance, the American people do not have wings attached to our bodies. We can't fly and neither can the beaver. But just like the beaver, people can swim. Americans can swim (Michael Phelps!). After all, we got here by water, not by air.
Americans and beavers hate trees and the flow of water. Both have spent centuries cutting forests down to build dams, to build homes, businesses and sometimes trees were slaughtered for no real reason at all.
Beavers are not bald. Americans do everything possible to keep from going bald. Meanwhile, the bald eagle does nothing to stop baldness.
Long ago, beavers were forced to survive endangerment caused by Indians and early settlers, which trapped the animal for fur. Did beavers complain, try to file suit against the government? No, they accepted their role for the greater good. And now beavers are everywhere. But the eagle continues to lack in numbers. And out of fear they migrate every few months. Beavers don't do that. They survived. They built their numbers using a sounder, more structurally complete foundation, just like Americans did in the 1930s when this nation survived The Great Depression.
And now, Americans are endangered again because we took an economical nose dive off a cliff (expecting to fly like an eagle). We have face planted, and now we're wounded, lying flat on our backs watching a falling anvil readying to smash us deeper into the ground just like the Wile E. Coyote, another dumb animal that serves no major, collegiate or professional, flourishing sports team as a mascot.
And right now America is like a coyote that's putting its hope in an eagle.
At this hour of the current timeline of life, most American's don't have the money for health insurance. Beavers don't have money either, yet they move forward while the eagle flaunts its haughty wings on the back of our currency like a pigheaded, egotistical bald monster with feathers (I know, it's frightening).
We must change. We must learn to be more like beavers, a true American symbol.
I thought of this a year ago. I even wrote it down. But it took me nearly 365 days to realize the magnitude of the idea I was sitting on. And it was sports that made this all come full circle.
As much as I hate cardinals, including the actual bird and all sports teams except for Lamar, the NFL Cardinals proved in January that the eagle is the more pathetic species (Arizona 32, Philadelphia 25).
In college football, the Oregon State Beavers knocked off USC last year, saving America of another USC national championship. Texans hate USC and Texans are true Americans. And there are many reasons I base this truth upon.
On top of that list is Buc-ee's, the finest, most ginormous convenient store/gas station in America. It's filled with food, accessories, all shopping needs (even Christmas presents), and of course the most spacious and clean bathrooms you can find on the road, complete with enough toilet paper to TP the White House.
And you can find this marvelous cornerstone of American culture en route to San Antonio and Dallas, cities with fine sports franchises. I mean honestly, what says American better than a pit stop in the name of food, gas and toilets, especially when on the road to a Dallas Cowboys (America's team) game.
With the beaver as the face of its franchise, nothing has slowed Buc-ee's growth, not even the recession. Buc-ee's has the most fantastic advertising campaign ever assembled, a campaign probably built by the same team of people who worked for Obama this past election. Speaking of Obama, his brother-in-law coaches basketball at Oregon State. Coincidence? I think not! Fate — I think the opposite of not. I think ton, tons of hungry beavers.
Plus, those same "Beavers," with the difference being Beavers who played baseball, won the college World Series in 2006, their first ever.
And there are more sports connections. I heard a rumor (one I am making up right now) that Buc-ee's has won 912 straight company softball games against Wal-Mart and Target.
Also in regards to streaks, the Caltech "Beavers" snapped a 207 game-losing streak in basketball this past January, a streak that started in 1996, which is the same year that the Nebraska Cornhuskers won the college football national championship on Jan. 1 in "Arizona" of all places!
And speaking of corn, this year in March Madness, the American "Eagles" could not complete the upset over Villanova.
All this comes well after former NFL coach Dick Vermeil left the Philadelphia "Eagles" to later take over as coach of the St. Louis Rams where he won a Super Bowl by riding the arm of the current "Arizona" quarterback, Kurt Warner, who was a former grocery sacker from Iowa.
I just hope you readers are picking up what I am putting down. Field of Dreams, anyone?
Iowa is a huge corn state.
And Field of Dreams is perhaps my favorite film; but while watching it the other day, I realized that this epic masterpiece of a movie was more about change than baseball. Ray Kinsella "changed" his cornfield into a baseball field. He used a big tractor to mow his corn down, a tractor that probably killed half of the population of residing ghosts (baseball legends) which were living in his cornfields.
If only Kinsella had used beavers to clear out that necessary space.
I mean, what if he had mowed over his dad? There would have been no happy ending, no father-son game of catch, and no Pepsi commercial.
So I plead with you Mr. President. I beg you to change the National Bird to the Beaver. I beg you to forget about the Eagle, forget about the auto industry, forget about Iraq, Iran, Korea, China, Afghanistan, terrorism, Guantanamo Bay and forget about Joe Plumber.
Just focus on the beaver because in this furry animal lies the keys to the metaphorical automobile that this country so desperately needs, the metaphorical tank that can be driven by Captain Joe Plumber, a marine who could free all the plugged up pipe dreams we have of ending all threats against peace.
I beg you, Mr. President to focus on the growth of Buc-ee's. To build them all across Iowa, regardless of what kind of Ecofriendly gas we're selling. I plead with you because people will come.
They'll come to Iowa for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn up the driveway not knowing for sure why they're doing it. They'll arrive at the doors as innocent as children, longing for the past. Of course, we won't mind if you look around, the owners will say. It's only $20 per person. They'll pass over the money without even thinking about it: for it is money they'll eventually have and peace they lack. And they'll walk out to their tailgates; sit in shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon. They'll find they have reserved parking somewhere between the painted stripes, where they parked when they were children and cheered for their favorite snacks. And they'll watch the cashier hand over the goods as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they'll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come Barack. The one constant through all the years, Barack, has been beavers. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But beavers have marked the time. This store, these bathrooms: it's a part of our past, Barack. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh... people will come Barack. People will most definitely come.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Friends, Texans, Country men... the blog is yours this week!
Sorry that this blog is coming a little later than usual. Because of the Pig Hurricane and decisions made by the UIL, I have been swamped this week. I mean, I probably had a morning or two when I could have got cranking at 8'oclock but I can barely carry out necessary motor skills before 12 p.m., so that was really out of the question.
But like I said, I've been swamped and will be that way for at least the rest of this week. Basically, I'm going to hand the blog over to you guys and let yall run with it.
Up for debate:
Game 6 between LA and Houston: A story of good and evil?
Whose better: LeBron or Kobe: A story of good and evil?
After Lakers beat the Rockets, who wins out of LA and Denver: A story of good and evil?
***Will Kobe have relations with a hotel bell girl in Denver: A story of good and evil?
***Should girl victim that Kobe allegedly (and probably) raped (only I didn't believe that until this series with Houston when he raped the Rockets in at least three games) sing the National Anthem at one of Denver's first home game in Western Finals: A story of good and evil?
Do you think former President Bush ever supplied ARod (when with the Rangers) with steroids or had the government steal opposing team's pitching signals?
AND... Astros talk is always acceptable, especially if it includes bashing management.
***These are questions from readers and or their friends. Thanks for being ridiculous.
But like I said, I've been swamped and will be that way for at least the rest of this week. Basically, I'm going to hand the blog over to you guys and let yall run with it.
Up for debate:
Game 6 between LA and Houston: A story of good and evil?
Whose better: LeBron or Kobe: A story of good and evil?
After Lakers beat the Rockets, who wins out of LA and Denver: A story of good and evil?
***Will Kobe have relations with a hotel bell girl in Denver: A story of good and evil?
***Should girl victim that Kobe allegedly (and probably) raped (only I didn't believe that until this series with Houston when he raped the Rockets in at least three games) sing the National Anthem at one of Denver's first home game in Western Finals: A story of good and evil?
Do you think former President Bush ever supplied ARod (when with the Rangers) with steroids or had the government steal opposing team's pitching signals?
AND... Astros talk is always acceptable, especially if it includes bashing management.
***These are questions from readers and or their friends. Thanks for being ridiculous.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Starting to feel good about Rockets chances
Editor's note: This blog was written early Wednesday afternoon before Game 2 but was not posted because of technical difficulties. My apologies. I am, however, going to tip off the posting proceedings because I am rather perturbed about last night's game. Everyone with a soul who watched Game 2 was absolutely cheated. I felt so dirty, I decided to drink a can of Lysol.
I have good and bad news concerning the Rockets 100-92 win over the Lakers in Los Angeles on Monday night. The good news is that I have come to believe Houston can actually beat LA and move onto the conference finals. The bad news is that I have come to believe Houston can actually beat LA.
In regards to the bad news, I do not have a very good track record with teams I believe in. For example, I believed in the 2004 Astros (once they got Carlos Beltran) but did not believe in the 2005 Astros. I did not believe in the 2007 Cowboys but did believe in the 2008 Cowboys.
Now for the good news: Three of the four times Houston played the Lakers this season, the Rockets were coming off tough road trips. The last meeting followed a road trip that included games with San Antonio, Utah and Phoenix.
The Rockets did catch a home game with the Clippers after those three games but immediately hit the road to LA.
The third meeting with the Lakers was in Houston but the Rockets were coming off a trip to Denver. The second matchup with Kobe's team came after a five-game road trip that included games with Atlanta, Philadelphia and Boston.
The Rockets hosted the Knicks before the Lakers came to town in that stretch but still caught the Lakers after a pretty tough 10 days.
The first meeting with the Lakers was an embarrassment with the least amount of excuses. That 111-82 loss did happen in LA but it was just the second game of a road trip that started with the Clippers. Meanwhile, the two home losses to the Lakers were decided by a total of 12 points, and the final matchup in LA was a 93-81 decision.
On the other side, LA's schedule prior to games with the Rockets was much easier. Only the final meeting followed an extensive road trip. However, that bout went down in LA.
Furthermore, only four of the teams the Lakers faced in that seven-game trip were playoff teams, and only one of those teams have advanced to the second round, which was Atlanta, the Lakers second stop in that stretch. Also about that road rally, five of those seven games were against Eastern Conference teams, which we all know is the lesser conference aside from Cleveland and Boston with Kevin Garnett.
The first two times LA faced the Rockets followed games against the Clippers, which is at home either way for the Lakers. The third matchup followed a trip to Portland, another west coast team.
The Lakers were practically catered the whole season like this.
Here are a few more reasons I believe Houston can upset LA: The Rockets won Game 1 on a relatively average night. They lost the rebounding battle (39-35), committed more turnovers (16-13) and only shot three percent better from the field than the Lakers (47.9-44.3).
The difference was Houston shot nearly 30 percent from 3-point land, while LA barely shot more than 10 percent (2-for-18). The Rockets also shot 86 percent from the free throw line, while LA was only good 63 percent of the time.
The best free throw shooter Monday night was Yao Ming who was 10-for-10 from the stripe. And the Lakers really have no answer for him, unless he gets into foul trouble or they double him. If the supporting cast can continue shooting like they did Monday, deciding to double Yao would not be such a bad thing for Houston. Plus, Yao is a great passer.
Furthermore, and at the very least, Yao needs to continue shooting at least 17 times per contest in this series, just like he did in Game 1 (9-for-17 with 28 points).
In the season series with LA, the only time Yao shot more than 15 times came in a tough 105-100 home loss, which was the tightest margin of all four games.
Basically, it is simple math for Houston and coach Rick Adelman: get your 7-6 center the ball every play and fine him if he doesn't shoot at least 17 times — with the exception to that rule being if he has 17 assists.
Concluding this rant, I know most of the media are figuring the Rockets pulled off a stunner that won't happen again. They are jumping on Kobe's second half laurels where he increased his eight points in the first half into a game-high 32 points.
However, it took Kobe 31 shots to reach that amount and he was only 1-for-7 from behind the arch.
Also, the Rockets had three players with 19 points or more while LA's second leading scorer topped out with 14.
And finally, the obvious reason I think the Rockets may just pull this off is because they now have home-court advantage.
Then again, I probably just jinxed whatever chances they had.
I have good and bad news concerning the Rockets 100-92 win over the Lakers in Los Angeles on Monday night. The good news is that I have come to believe Houston can actually beat LA and move onto the conference finals. The bad news is that I have come to believe Houston can actually beat LA.
In regards to the bad news, I do not have a very good track record with teams I believe in. For example, I believed in the 2004 Astros (once they got Carlos Beltran) but did not believe in the 2005 Astros. I did not believe in the 2007 Cowboys but did believe in the 2008 Cowboys.
Now for the good news: Three of the four times Houston played the Lakers this season, the Rockets were coming off tough road trips. The last meeting followed a road trip that included games with San Antonio, Utah and Phoenix.
The Rockets did catch a home game with the Clippers after those three games but immediately hit the road to LA.
The third meeting with the Lakers was in Houston but the Rockets were coming off a trip to Denver. The second matchup with Kobe's team came after a five-game road trip that included games with Atlanta, Philadelphia and Boston.
The Rockets hosted the Knicks before the Lakers came to town in that stretch but still caught the Lakers after a pretty tough 10 days.
The first meeting with the Lakers was an embarrassment with the least amount of excuses. That 111-82 loss did happen in LA but it was just the second game of a road trip that started with the Clippers. Meanwhile, the two home losses to the Lakers were decided by a total of 12 points, and the final matchup in LA was a 93-81 decision.
On the other side, LA's schedule prior to games with the Rockets was much easier. Only the final meeting followed an extensive road trip. However, that bout went down in LA.
Furthermore, only four of the teams the Lakers faced in that seven-game trip were playoff teams, and only one of those teams have advanced to the second round, which was Atlanta, the Lakers second stop in that stretch. Also about that road rally, five of those seven games were against Eastern Conference teams, which we all know is the lesser conference aside from Cleveland and Boston with Kevin Garnett.
The first two times LA faced the Rockets followed games against the Clippers, which is at home either way for the Lakers. The third matchup followed a trip to Portland, another west coast team.
The Lakers were practically catered the whole season like this.
Here are a few more reasons I believe Houston can upset LA: The Rockets won Game 1 on a relatively average night. They lost the rebounding battle (39-35), committed more turnovers (16-13) and only shot three percent better from the field than the Lakers (47.9-44.3).
The difference was Houston shot nearly 30 percent from 3-point land, while LA barely shot more than 10 percent (2-for-18). The Rockets also shot 86 percent from the free throw line, while LA was only good 63 percent of the time.
The best free throw shooter Monday night was Yao Ming who was 10-for-10 from the stripe. And the Lakers really have no answer for him, unless he gets into foul trouble or they double him. If the supporting cast can continue shooting like they did Monday, deciding to double Yao would not be such a bad thing for Houston. Plus, Yao is a great passer.
Furthermore, and at the very least, Yao needs to continue shooting at least 17 times per contest in this series, just like he did in Game 1 (9-for-17 with 28 points).
In the season series with LA, the only time Yao shot more than 15 times came in a tough 105-100 home loss, which was the tightest margin of all four games.
Basically, it is simple math for Houston and coach Rick Adelman: get your 7-6 center the ball every play and fine him if he doesn't shoot at least 17 times — with the exception to that rule being if he has 17 assists.
Concluding this rant, I know most of the media are figuring the Rockets pulled off a stunner that won't happen again. They are jumping on Kobe's second half laurels where he increased his eight points in the first half into a game-high 32 points.
However, it took Kobe 31 shots to reach that amount and he was only 1-for-7 from behind the arch.
Also, the Rockets had three players with 19 points or more while LA's second leading scorer topped out with 14.
And finally, the obvious reason I think the Rockets may just pull this off is because they now have home-court advantage.
Then again, I probably just jinxed whatever chances they had.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Trying to make sense of Jerry Jones
With the seventh pick of the 2009 draft, the Oakland Raiders select receiver Darius Heyward-Bey????????
With the 47th pick of the 2009 draft, the Raiders select free safety Mike Mitchell???????????????????
With the 101st pick of the 2009 draft, the Dallas Cowboys select quarterback Stephen McGee????????????????????????????????
It is no wonder Oakland and Dallas received the worst grades after this year's draft.
To recap, Heyward-Bey was projected to be taken somewhere in the late first round to the early second round. The Raiders said no, "we want him now. We want him even though Michael Crabtree is still out there."
I can't even begin to rationalize the Mitchell pick. He's some unsung (rightfully so) nobody, who was a seventh round projection out of Ohio (the Bobcats, not the Buckeyes).
Then the Cowboys decided to burn a fourth round pick, their third overall, on a quarterback who could not hack it for an absolutely horrible Texas A&M Aggies team that hit rock bottom in McGee's tenure.
Here is what I imagined happened, and I'm thinking this because it is the only logical assumption that may logically explain the illogical minds of Al Davis and Jerry Jones.
Here goes: I'm guessing before the draft, Davis and Jones decided to make a friendly wager based on which owner could make the most bonehead picks.
Obviously, Davis took an early lead since the Cowboys had no first round pick and then traded their second round pick for two third round picks for which they used to draft Rocky and Bullwinkle (Jason Williamson, a linebacker from Western Illinois, and Robert Brewste, a offensive tackle out of Ball State).
Davis was certainly in the lead until the third round. However, he took a step in the right direction (wrong for the bet) by selecting defensive end Matt Shaughnessy out of Wisconsin. That pick actually made sense, which broke the rules for Davis and Jones game of stupidity.
The game was still very tight heading into the fourth round.
But then Jones went for the knockout punch by taking McGee, a guy who the Cowboys probably could have signed for next to nothing. I'm thinking Jones could have waited two or three weeks after the draft and offered McGee a Wal-Mart gift card and he would have gladly accepted.
In response to the McGee pick, Davis' probably just gave Jones a simple, "Well played sir (Jones). Very well done."
Not to digress too much, but if Heyward-Bey and Mitchell were guys Davis really wanted, why didn't he trade down to get them. They probably could have gotten some team's first and second round picks and still got Heyward-Bey. They could have then traded one of those second round picks for an extra third round pick along with a second seventh round pick — well I just had a brain aneurysm and have no idea where I was going with that.
Moving on, the Cowboys say they want to implement the Wildcat offense that the Dolphins used so well last year. That's great. I don't mind Jones wanting to give that a try. The more Romo is off the field, the better Dallas will likely be. I don't even mind Jones wanting to acquire a quarterback more fitting to play in the Wildcat. But honestly, a fourth round pick for Stephen McGee?????? He was the only quarterback never mentioned in the "Big 12 has the best quarterbacks" discussion last year.
I realize he is a big guy who was one, if not the most coveted quarterback in his class coming out of high school. He has a solid arm, he's mobile and had a very successful prep resume.
None of that worked for him in college, however, so one would have to assume McGee's college career would have been just the tip Jones needed to avoid this illogical decision.
Instead of taking McGee so high, the Cowboys would have been better off drafting the following: a saftey, a defensive lineman, another offensive lineman, a receiver, a GPS specialist for Romo or even a towel boy from the University of Virginia Teaching Resource Center.
With the 47th pick of the 2009 draft, the Raiders select free safety Mike Mitchell???????????????????
With the 101st pick of the 2009 draft, the Dallas Cowboys select quarterback Stephen McGee????????????????????????????????
It is no wonder Oakland and Dallas received the worst grades after this year's draft.
To recap, Heyward-Bey was projected to be taken somewhere in the late first round to the early second round. The Raiders said no, "we want him now. We want him even though Michael Crabtree is still out there."
I can't even begin to rationalize the Mitchell pick. He's some unsung (rightfully so) nobody, who was a seventh round projection out of Ohio (the Bobcats, not the Buckeyes).
Then the Cowboys decided to burn a fourth round pick, their third overall, on a quarterback who could not hack it for an absolutely horrible Texas A&M Aggies team that hit rock bottom in McGee's tenure.
Here is what I imagined happened, and I'm thinking this because it is the only logical assumption that may logically explain the illogical minds of Al Davis and Jerry Jones.
Here goes: I'm guessing before the draft, Davis and Jones decided to make a friendly wager based on which owner could make the most bonehead picks.
Obviously, Davis took an early lead since the Cowboys had no first round pick and then traded their second round pick for two third round picks for which they used to draft Rocky and Bullwinkle (Jason Williamson, a linebacker from Western Illinois, and Robert Brewste, a offensive tackle out of Ball State).
Davis was certainly in the lead until the third round. However, he took a step in the right direction (wrong for the bet) by selecting defensive end Matt Shaughnessy out of Wisconsin. That pick actually made sense, which broke the rules for Davis and Jones game of stupidity.
The game was still very tight heading into the fourth round.
But then Jones went for the knockout punch by taking McGee, a guy who the Cowboys probably could have signed for next to nothing. I'm thinking Jones could have waited two or three weeks after the draft and offered McGee a Wal-Mart gift card and he would have gladly accepted.
In response to the McGee pick, Davis' probably just gave Jones a simple, "Well played sir (Jones). Very well done."
Not to digress too much, but if Heyward-Bey and Mitchell were guys Davis really wanted, why didn't he trade down to get them. They probably could have gotten some team's first and second round picks and still got Heyward-Bey. They could have then traded one of those second round picks for an extra third round pick along with a second seventh round pick — well I just had a brain aneurysm and have no idea where I was going with that.
Moving on, the Cowboys say they want to implement the Wildcat offense that the Dolphins used so well last year. That's great. I don't mind Jones wanting to give that a try. The more Romo is off the field, the better Dallas will likely be. I don't even mind Jones wanting to acquire a quarterback more fitting to play in the Wildcat. But honestly, a fourth round pick for Stephen McGee?????? He was the only quarterback never mentioned in the "Big 12 has the best quarterbacks" discussion last year.
I realize he is a big guy who was one, if not the most coveted quarterback in his class coming out of high school. He has a solid arm, he's mobile and had a very successful prep resume.
None of that worked for him in college, however, so one would have to assume McGee's college career would have been just the tip Jones needed to avoid this illogical decision.
Instead of taking McGee so high, the Cowboys would have been better off drafting the following: a saftey, a defensive lineman, another offensive lineman, a receiver, a GPS specialist for Romo or even a towel boy from the University of Virginia Teaching Resource Center.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
NFL draft is rarely worth watching
Aside from a handful of years, I've never been that interested in the NFL draft, which starts Saturday. In that handful of years, I'm usually only interested in a few players.
This year, I can't think of any compelling player. The quarterbacks are young, inexperienced or had relatively shaky college careers, which makes them completely overhyped. I really don't think this is a very good draft class at any position.
Furthermore, I don't really understand why people would waste a Saturday watching it unless there are invested feelings in a player. For example, it was cool when Port Arthur's Jamaal Charles was in the draft last year.
Otherwise, I don't see the point. It's boring television. It's an all-day affair of commentators arguing about something they will have no real proof of until three or four seasons down the road. I mean as hyped as Darren McFadden was going into the draft last year, he was basically forgotten and will continue to be forgotten until he does something notable.
It also seems the general managers are getting smarter and smarter. Teams seem to be using the top picks for defense, offensive lineman and other big necessities rather than just drafting the high profile names.
I like that teams are doing that but it makes for extra boring television.
Basically, I feel I can read about the draft later and be just as satisfied. And it is important for me to see what players the Cowboys took and even the Texans. Plus, it is never too early to start thinking about Fantasy Football.
I'm sure this short rant on the draft was very heartbreaking for some of you to read. I may have lost more respect from some of you. Then again, if you have been reading since I started this blog, you should have little to no respect for me by now anyway.
I do appreciate the comments and find that part more fun than coming up with the stuff to write each week.
One last thing about the NFL draft; I am completely against teams being allowed to sign players before draft day. That is absurd and bad business for the NFL.
If you are trying to sell your business for a random day in the spring, trying to top ratings against the NBA playoffs and baseball, why on earth would you allow teams to do this?
It completely takes the mystique out of the first pick, maybe even the second and third picks as well.
I don't care if that first pick is an absolute no-brainer, there is still that small window of speculation. And, if the first pick can be signed, then what about the second and third. There might be some years where the top five are completely gone days before the draft.
In regard to last week's Rockets blog, I hope some of you took notice into how dominate Yao is when the team gets him the ball. In Game One, he played about two quarters and scored 24 points, going 9-for-9 in the field. He had 16 points in the first quarter alone and scored 11 of the Rockets' first 13 points. To put it straight, Houston fed the big fella the ball every time down the court. They built a lead and coasted to a victory.
That was far from the case on Tuesday night. He shot six times. He was 3-for-6 (50 percent is pretty good) from the field and scored just 11 points. WHY? Why would a team only get the ball to its best player six times? Rick Adelman should be removed from the coach-of-the-year discussion immediately. A friend of mine decided it would be good if the Rockets would fine the team for every trip down the floor that Yao does not get the ball. I could not agree more. Doesn't mean he has to shoot but if he doesn't touch the ball, fine them and fine them hard. When the game is within reach of a win and trips are made down the floor without Yao touching the ball, fine the team double, even the bench players. I say fine Yao as well. Maybe he will start demanding for the ball if he is also fined.
This year, I can't think of any compelling player. The quarterbacks are young, inexperienced or had relatively shaky college careers, which makes them completely overhyped. I really don't think this is a very good draft class at any position.
Furthermore, I don't really understand why people would waste a Saturday watching it unless there are invested feelings in a player. For example, it was cool when Port Arthur's Jamaal Charles was in the draft last year.
Otherwise, I don't see the point. It's boring television. It's an all-day affair of commentators arguing about something they will have no real proof of until three or four seasons down the road. I mean as hyped as Darren McFadden was going into the draft last year, he was basically forgotten and will continue to be forgotten until he does something notable.
It also seems the general managers are getting smarter and smarter. Teams seem to be using the top picks for defense, offensive lineman and other big necessities rather than just drafting the high profile names.
I like that teams are doing that but it makes for extra boring television.
Basically, I feel I can read about the draft later and be just as satisfied. And it is important for me to see what players the Cowboys took and even the Texans. Plus, it is never too early to start thinking about Fantasy Football.
I'm sure this short rant on the draft was very heartbreaking for some of you to read. I may have lost more respect from some of you. Then again, if you have been reading since I started this blog, you should have little to no respect for me by now anyway.
I do appreciate the comments and find that part more fun than coming up with the stuff to write each week.
One last thing about the NFL draft; I am completely against teams being allowed to sign players before draft day. That is absurd and bad business for the NFL.
If you are trying to sell your business for a random day in the spring, trying to top ratings against the NBA playoffs and baseball, why on earth would you allow teams to do this?
It completely takes the mystique out of the first pick, maybe even the second and third picks as well.
I don't care if that first pick is an absolute no-brainer, there is still that small window of speculation. And, if the first pick can be signed, then what about the second and third. There might be some years where the top five are completely gone days before the draft.
In regard to last week's Rockets blog, I hope some of you took notice into how dominate Yao is when the team gets him the ball. In Game One, he played about two quarters and scored 24 points, going 9-for-9 in the field. He had 16 points in the first quarter alone and scored 11 of the Rockets' first 13 points. To put it straight, Houston fed the big fella the ball every time down the court. They built a lead and coasted to a victory.
That was far from the case on Tuesday night. He shot six times. He was 3-for-6 (50 percent is pretty good) from the field and scored just 11 points. WHY? Why would a team only get the ball to its best player six times? Rick Adelman should be removed from the coach-of-the-year discussion immediately. A friend of mine decided it would be good if the Rockets would fine the team for every trip down the floor that Yao does not get the ball. I could not agree more. Doesn't mean he has to shoot but if he doesn't touch the ball, fine them and fine them hard. When the game is within reach of a win and trips are made down the floor without Yao touching the ball, fine the team double, even the bench players. I say fine Yao as well. Maybe he will start demanding for the ball if he is also fined.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Forget the playoffs Houston, go get Lebron
Some are probably disappointed with the Houston Rockets 95-84 loss to Dallas on Wednesday night. I put off blogging on Wednesday so I could talk about the Rockets and the NBA playoffs today. Like most fans, I was hoping Houston could end the season on a winning streak. I was hoping they could become the Southwest Division champs and claim home court advantage through two rounds. All those things would have been extremely nice and encouraging.
But the more I've thought about it, the Rockets fall from the No. 2 seed to the No. 5 seed really won't make a difference, except in the long haul.
Winning Wednesday night would have meant Houston could have avoided the inevitable for two or three weeks. The inevitable is that regardless of what plays out in the first two rounds of the Western bracket, the Lakers will be conference champions.
And as the five seed, the Rockets will meet their doom in the second round instead of the third, which means a lot of good things for the team and its fans.
Here are some positive things to look at:
- They tried their best without their overrated superstar Tracy McGrady, who needs to be traded to whatever team will take him. (Maybe send him to the Astros?)
- Ron Artest has not made a CD or punched anyone since coming to Houston.
- Barring some major upsets, fans won't have to watch Houston have its season ended by the Utah Jazz or the Mavericks for the 38th time this century.
- The Rocket's front office can vacation earlier than expected, which means they can get back to work earlier, which means they can start preparing a plot to take King James, which is an operation to get Lebron before he goes to New York or re-signs with Cleveland. I say Houston should offer Cleveland Yao (as much as he is underrated), Tracy, Battier (as much as I love him), Joey Dorsey, Chuck Hayes and its next eight draft picks for Lebron and Zydrunas Ilgauskas. I threw in Ilgauskas as a crowd pleaser for all the fans who love Yao simply because he is Chinese. (I can't say Ilgauskas and I can't speak Chinese, therefore Ilgauskas is from China?)
Either way, the Rockets have a solid backcourt that resembles a lot of what Lebron has at Cleveland. What I think the Cavs are missing (if anything) are guys like Artest and Luis Scola, which Houston has. So I'm thinking we can bring the Cavs, Artest and Scola together by having Cleveland give Houston Lebron.
As far as the NBA playoffs playing out, I think the Rockets take down Portland in seven and then lose a 'closer than the experts think' series with L.A., which should easily move onto the Finals.
In the Eastern Conference, Boston head coach Doc Rivers said Kevin Garnett won't be available for the playoffs so that leaves Orlando as the only other candidate to beat Cleveland, which means the Cavs and Lakers will likely be matched in the Finals.
However, I will be rooting for Kendrick Perkins to emerge as a powerhouse this postseason so that the Celtics will return to the Finals and be forced to make a new deal for Ozen's finest.
If that plays out, Lebron will be discouraged about Cleveland, making him more interested for a trade. Houston is a big city and very marketable. We don't have Jay Z but we do have Beyonce, so it is pretty much the same city. If my plan works, Boston will have to pony up to keep Perkins, who I'm hoping will be homesick and want to play for the Rockets.
So my 2009-10 Rockets look like this:
starters:
PG - Aaron Brooks
SG - Lebron James
SF - Ron Artest
PF - Luis Scola
C - Zydrunas Ilgauskas
second squad:
PG - Kyle Lowry
SG - Von Wafer
SF - Lebron James
PF - Carl Landry
C - Kendrick Perkins
third squad:
PG - Lebron James
SG - Brent Barry
SF - James White
PF - Brian Cook
C - Dikembe Mutombo
What a team!
But the more I've thought about it, the Rockets fall from the No. 2 seed to the No. 5 seed really won't make a difference, except in the long haul.
Winning Wednesday night would have meant Houston could have avoided the inevitable for two or three weeks. The inevitable is that regardless of what plays out in the first two rounds of the Western bracket, the Lakers will be conference champions.
And as the five seed, the Rockets will meet their doom in the second round instead of the third, which means a lot of good things for the team and its fans.
Here are some positive things to look at:
- They tried their best without their overrated superstar Tracy McGrady, who needs to be traded to whatever team will take him. (Maybe send him to the Astros?)
- Ron Artest has not made a CD or punched anyone since coming to Houston.
- Barring some major upsets, fans won't have to watch Houston have its season ended by the Utah Jazz or the Mavericks for the 38th time this century.
- The Rocket's front office can vacation earlier than expected, which means they can get back to work earlier, which means they can start preparing a plot to take King James, which is an operation to get Lebron before he goes to New York or re-signs with Cleveland. I say Houston should offer Cleveland Yao (as much as he is underrated), Tracy, Battier (as much as I love him), Joey Dorsey, Chuck Hayes and its next eight draft picks for Lebron and Zydrunas Ilgauskas. I threw in Ilgauskas as a crowd pleaser for all the fans who love Yao simply because he is Chinese. (I can't say Ilgauskas and I can't speak Chinese, therefore Ilgauskas is from China?)
Either way, the Rockets have a solid backcourt that resembles a lot of what Lebron has at Cleveland. What I think the Cavs are missing (if anything) are guys like Artest and Luis Scola, which Houston has. So I'm thinking we can bring the Cavs, Artest and Scola together by having Cleveland give Houston Lebron.
As far as the NBA playoffs playing out, I think the Rockets take down Portland in seven and then lose a 'closer than the experts think' series with L.A., which should easily move onto the Finals.
In the Eastern Conference, Boston head coach Doc Rivers said Kevin Garnett won't be available for the playoffs so that leaves Orlando as the only other candidate to beat Cleveland, which means the Cavs and Lakers will likely be matched in the Finals.
However, I will be rooting for Kendrick Perkins to emerge as a powerhouse this postseason so that the Celtics will return to the Finals and be forced to make a new deal for Ozen's finest.
If that plays out, Lebron will be discouraged about Cleveland, making him more interested for a trade. Houston is a big city and very marketable. We don't have Jay Z but we do have Beyonce, so it is pretty much the same city. If my plan works, Boston will have to pony up to keep Perkins, who I'm hoping will be homesick and want to play for the Rockets.
So my 2009-10 Rockets look like this:
starters:
PG - Aaron Brooks
SG - Lebron James
SF - Ron Artest
PF - Luis Scola
C - Zydrunas Ilgauskas
second squad:
PG - Kyle Lowry
SG - Von Wafer
SF - Lebron James
PF - Carl Landry
C - Kendrick Perkins
third squad:
PG - Lebron James
SG - Brent Barry
SF - James White
PF - Brian Cook
C - Dikembe Mutombo
What a team!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Still not an Astros believer
After a weak start, the Astros rebounded Tuesday night and are 1-1, which is good enough for a share of first place in the NL Cental. So maybe this season can still be salvaged after all?
I tried staying optimistic going into opening day, but the wind in my sails was sucked dry within the first minute of the season.
Roy Oswalt's second pitch of Monday night was absolutely destroyed by Alfonso Soriano.
(As a sidenote, DON'T THROW SORIANO FASTBALLS. Same rule of thumb was used against Pedro Cerrano in the movie Major League. He could not hit a curve ball and because of that he was demoted to a role as president in some TV series and now he sells insurance for State Farm.)
I was devastated by Soriano's homer. The little hamsters operating my brain went to work immediately because I was hoping to find out how many home runs Oswalt and the team were on pace to give up if every other pitch left the yard. Before I could do the math, the second inning started with a first pitch homer by Aramis Ramirez.
At that point, I had to start breathing into an Astros souvenir bag. I've seen people do this before, hoping to avoid panic attacks.
Anyway, the Astros only lost 4-2. Oswalt ended up doing okay but the team hardly looked promising. I was thinking if the Cubs got to Oswalt that easily, what will the rest of our rotation do?
Pudge Rodriguez looked awful in the first game. Hunter Pence was just as bad at the plate. Houston had zero extra base hits. There were baserunning errors and coaching blunders. It just looked like the start of a long spring and even longer summer for the Astros.
But then they battled Chicago to a walk-off, 3-2, 10-inning victory, which featured a solid outing from Wandy Rodriguez, a homer by Pence, a hit from Pudge and a game-winning pinch hit from Jeff Keppinger. (As a sidenote, Houston was up 2-1 through seven innings but Latroy Hawkins threw SORIANO A FASTBALL in the eighth inning that tied the game at 2-2. DON'T THROW SORIANO FASTBALLS!)
My expectations for this season?
I have none. I try to stay even keel with everything in life. I was the same way in school. That's why I never studied for tests. Without studying, I found, that I was never disappointed with whatever grade I got. Same thing applies here. If I build up hope for the Astros 2009 season, there is a great chance I will have to deal with a lot of emotional baggage later this summer.
A former professor of mine, who thinks I am an idiot 99 percent of the time, did agree with me on this issue of hopes and dreams regarding teams you love.
For instance, he and I pretend the Astros don't exist. When we want to talk about said nonexistent team, we use code words such as "the team that plays in the big city 90 miles to our west."
What do I really think about the 2009 Astros?
I think Houston has a spotty lineup, a questionable starting rotation and a solid bullpen. My hamsters have not completely passed judgment on the starting rotation, but they are pretty annoyed about the prospects of Geoff Blum being a regular starter all season. Houston is one of the only Major League teams that constantly tries to convert average bench players into every day starters. It bothers me tremendously and he spells Jeff wrong.
The Astros lineup has some solid hitters but I'm not sold on Cecil Cooper's starting order. Pence usually can't hit anything but an inside fastball and Cooper has him in the seventh hole where he will rarely get a decent pitch to hit. Pence has good power and speed, and the only place in the order where he will get a larger dose of heaters is near the top. I say put Pence in the second spot and move Pudge down to six. And for the love of all things sacred, move Blum to seventh. I know Cooper wants a lefty after Carlos Lee and Miguel Tejada. I know Blum is 3-for-7 so far this season. I also know Michael Bourn has three hits and two RBIs. But more than likely both of those guys are going to struggle to hit .250.
I don't have as much a problem with Bourn because he is fast and whatever offense he can give us is a bonus. For Houston to be a serious contender, however, a legit third baseman has to be found. Keppinger and Blum are bench guys and will be great for the team starting on the bench and not on the field. (As a sidenote, I would probably like Blum more if he had not hit that go-ahead homer for the White Sox in Game 3 of the 2005 World Series against the Astros. And unless he does the same for Houston, I will not forgive him. I'm sure he is a great guy though.)
Rest of my thoughts on the Astros:
Baseball is a great sport. It's my favorite. You don't always have to be the fastest and the strongest to be good, which means Houston could be a contender with the players it has now. But I'm not going to get excited. (As a sidenote, DON'T THROW SORIANO FASTBALLS! Throw him sliders,splitfingers, curveballs, screwballs, golfballs, boudin balls, malt balls and anything else. Just don't throw him FASTBALLS!)
I tried staying optimistic going into opening day, but the wind in my sails was sucked dry within the first minute of the season.
Roy Oswalt's second pitch of Monday night was absolutely destroyed by Alfonso Soriano.
(As a sidenote, DON'T THROW SORIANO FASTBALLS. Same rule of thumb was used against Pedro Cerrano in the movie Major League. He could not hit a curve ball and because of that he was demoted to a role as president in some TV series and now he sells insurance for State Farm.)
I was devastated by Soriano's homer. The little hamsters operating my brain went to work immediately because I was hoping to find out how many home runs Oswalt and the team were on pace to give up if every other pitch left the yard. Before I could do the math, the second inning started with a first pitch homer by Aramis Ramirez.
At that point, I had to start breathing into an Astros souvenir bag. I've seen people do this before, hoping to avoid panic attacks.
Anyway, the Astros only lost 4-2. Oswalt ended up doing okay but the team hardly looked promising. I was thinking if the Cubs got to Oswalt that easily, what will the rest of our rotation do?
Pudge Rodriguez looked awful in the first game. Hunter Pence was just as bad at the plate. Houston had zero extra base hits. There were baserunning errors and coaching blunders. It just looked like the start of a long spring and even longer summer for the Astros.
But then they battled Chicago to a walk-off, 3-2, 10-inning victory, which featured a solid outing from Wandy Rodriguez, a homer by Pence, a hit from Pudge and a game-winning pinch hit from Jeff Keppinger. (As a sidenote, Houston was up 2-1 through seven innings but Latroy Hawkins threw SORIANO A FASTBALL in the eighth inning that tied the game at 2-2. DON'T THROW SORIANO FASTBALLS!)
My expectations for this season?
I have none. I try to stay even keel with everything in life. I was the same way in school. That's why I never studied for tests. Without studying, I found, that I was never disappointed with whatever grade I got. Same thing applies here. If I build up hope for the Astros 2009 season, there is a great chance I will have to deal with a lot of emotional baggage later this summer.
A former professor of mine, who thinks I am an idiot 99 percent of the time, did agree with me on this issue of hopes and dreams regarding teams you love.
For instance, he and I pretend the Astros don't exist. When we want to talk about said nonexistent team, we use code words such as "the team that plays in the big city 90 miles to our west."
What do I really think about the 2009 Astros?
I think Houston has a spotty lineup, a questionable starting rotation and a solid bullpen. My hamsters have not completely passed judgment on the starting rotation, but they are pretty annoyed about the prospects of Geoff Blum being a regular starter all season. Houston is one of the only Major League teams that constantly tries to convert average bench players into every day starters. It bothers me tremendously and he spells Jeff wrong.
The Astros lineup has some solid hitters but I'm not sold on Cecil Cooper's starting order. Pence usually can't hit anything but an inside fastball and Cooper has him in the seventh hole where he will rarely get a decent pitch to hit. Pence has good power and speed, and the only place in the order where he will get a larger dose of heaters is near the top. I say put Pence in the second spot and move Pudge down to six. And for the love of all things sacred, move Blum to seventh. I know Cooper wants a lefty after Carlos Lee and Miguel Tejada. I know Blum is 3-for-7 so far this season. I also know Michael Bourn has three hits and two RBIs. But more than likely both of those guys are going to struggle to hit .250.
I don't have as much a problem with Bourn because he is fast and whatever offense he can give us is a bonus. For Houston to be a serious contender, however, a legit third baseman has to be found. Keppinger and Blum are bench guys and will be great for the team starting on the bench and not on the field. (As a sidenote, I would probably like Blum more if he had not hit that go-ahead homer for the White Sox in Game 3 of the 2005 World Series against the Astros. And unless he does the same for Houston, I will not forgive him. I'm sure he is a great guy though.)
Rest of my thoughts on the Astros:
Baseball is a great sport. It's my favorite. You don't always have to be the fastest and the strongest to be good, which means Houston could be a contender with the players it has now. But I'm not going to get excited. (As a sidenote, DON'T THROW SORIANO FASTBALLS! Throw him sliders,splitfingers, curveballs, screwballs, golfballs, boudin balls, malt balls and anything else. Just don't throw him FASTBALLS!)
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
2009 NCAA Tournament has led me to fasting
Sports writers use professional insight and, typically, correct grammar. That's what sets reporters apart from regular fans. And journalist get paid to watch the games and then give that professional insight to readers. It's not as simple as it seems, however. It takes years of couch time, watching sports, talking sports, playing sports until you realize you aren't good enough, and then you continue part of this routine into college where most will spend four years (some six). Then in college, a sports writer will learn to read and write and open a can of soup without slicing my foot wide open.
Point is, this job isn't just for anyone.
For instance, I use a strict process every week to come up with the detailed and factual opinions I give to this blog. Unfortunately, I have no idea what that process is and because of the NCAA basketball tournament, I haven't wanted to think about sports of any kind. The rest of my bracket kicked the bucket last week. I put my heart into my picks and not one team cared enough to love me back. They are all gone.
My pride has nothing left in the tank. I feel defeated, uninspired and lost. My misery has led me to fasting twice a day (in between breakfast and lunch and in between lunch and dinner). I haven't shaved since Sunday (I usually don't shave that often anyway, but figured saying that would help create the mood).
Today, I tried watching SportsCenter for the first time since my Final Four was brutally plucked from the field. Watching ESPN just hurt me more. I had to turn it off. I had some breakfast and went back to bed for an hour or so.
It was good sleep. It was good for the soul because when I woke up, I could see the light (because it was shining in my window) and the light gave me hope.
And I needed to run some errands, take care of some work stuff and blog, so I sprung from my slumber to the computer, ready to start fresh.
It was like a brand new beginning to the same day. That's what napping after breakfast will give you and I strongly encourage doing this.
Anyway, I knew it was time to put my 2009 March Madness bracket behind me. I was ready to blog.
But then I realized I had no idea what to write.
At first, I thought I could blog about the Astros since opening day is Monday. I figured I could break the team down and tell you why Houston won't make the playoffs. But, I have six months to feel bad about the Astros. I have six months to wonder how it's possible that a Major League Baseball team plans to start Geoff Blum everyday at third base. I have all season to wonder why Geoff spells his name wrong.
So I crossed the Astros off the list. I'll do that next week.
So in search of blogging inspiration, I decided to go to ESPN.com, which was a monumental mistake that forced me into a relapse of my pitiful mood.
Why?
John Calipari. Kentucky. John Calipari. College basketball. Memphis. Arizona. Oklahoma. Missouri. UMass. Calipari. Billy Gillespie. College basketball. NCAA tournament. Final Four. Marcus Camby. UConn. Michigan State. Indiana State. North Carolina. Jeff Capel. Patt Forde. Larry Bird. Tom Izzo. Villanova. 1985. Magic Johnson. Jud Heathcote. 1979. Expected Kentucky roster. Expected Memphis roster. Whose going where because there is one recruit, who has a brother, who might have a cousin, who might be dating this girl, who has another brother from an aunt with a different mother and she said they wanted the one kid to go to Kansas anyway.
We'll try this again next week.
Good luck to those of you who still have an incentive for caring about college basketball this season.
Point is, this job isn't just for anyone.
For instance, I use a strict process every week to come up with the detailed and factual opinions I give to this blog. Unfortunately, I have no idea what that process is and because of the NCAA basketball tournament, I haven't wanted to think about sports of any kind. The rest of my bracket kicked the bucket last week. I put my heart into my picks and not one team cared enough to love me back. They are all gone.
My pride has nothing left in the tank. I feel defeated, uninspired and lost. My misery has led me to fasting twice a day (in between breakfast and lunch and in between lunch and dinner). I haven't shaved since Sunday (I usually don't shave that often anyway, but figured saying that would help create the mood).
Today, I tried watching SportsCenter for the first time since my Final Four was brutally plucked from the field. Watching ESPN just hurt me more. I had to turn it off. I had some breakfast and went back to bed for an hour or so.
It was good sleep. It was good for the soul because when I woke up, I could see the light (because it was shining in my window) and the light gave me hope.
And I needed to run some errands, take care of some work stuff and blog, so I sprung from my slumber to the computer, ready to start fresh.
It was like a brand new beginning to the same day. That's what napping after breakfast will give you and I strongly encourage doing this.
Anyway, I knew it was time to put my 2009 March Madness bracket behind me. I was ready to blog.
But then I realized I had no idea what to write.
At first, I thought I could blog about the Astros since opening day is Monday. I figured I could break the team down and tell you why Houston won't make the playoffs. But, I have six months to feel bad about the Astros. I have six months to wonder how it's possible that a Major League Baseball team plans to start Geoff Blum everyday at third base. I have all season to wonder why Geoff spells his name wrong.
So I crossed the Astros off the list. I'll do that next week.
So in search of blogging inspiration, I decided to go to ESPN.com, which was a monumental mistake that forced me into a relapse of my pitiful mood.
Why?
John Calipari. Kentucky. John Calipari. College basketball. Memphis. Arizona. Oklahoma. Missouri. UMass. Calipari. Billy Gillespie. College basketball. NCAA tournament. Final Four. Marcus Camby. UConn. Michigan State. Indiana State. North Carolina. Jeff Capel. Patt Forde. Larry Bird. Tom Izzo. Villanova. 1985. Magic Johnson. Jud Heathcote. 1979. Expected Kentucky roster. Expected Memphis roster. Whose going where because there is one recruit, who has a brother, who might have a cousin, who might be dating this girl, who has another brother from an aunt with a different mother and she said they wanted the one kid to go to Kansas anyway.
We'll try this again next week.
Good luck to those of you who still have an incentive for caring about college basketball this season.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
No Cinderellas but perhaps a crocodile in Detroit
The NCAA basketball tournament has been a drag so far. Twelve seed Arizona is the only Cinderella team and there is nothing Cinderella about Arizona. The Wildcats are a Pacific-10 Conference team with NCAA championship history and a well known university.
Come to think of it, Cinderella's story isn't so Cinderella. She was attractive and lived in a palace. Her only flaws were hanging out with mice and that she was mistreated by rich, ugly people. It would have made more sense if Cinderella was ugly and poor. Speaking of ugly and poor, those are the best adjectives to describe my bracket, which I set on fire in the middle of the first game last Thursday.
Even with my disappointments, I know there were some quality games in the first two rounds and some top seeds saw some scares. And there was Dayton, Western Kentucky, Wisconsin and Cleveland State, which was the only real upset winner (over Wake Forest) in my opinion, but Cleveland State lost in the second round to Arizona, leaving the bracket without a compelling underdog story.
However, all the 1-3 seeds have advanced for the first time in the history of the tournament and in the South and East portions of the bracket 1-4 have all advanced. Meanwhile, the West Region features 1,2,3 and 5 seeds and the Midwest Region has 1,2,3 and 12 seeds shooting for the Elite Eight.
The Sweet 16 tips off Thursday night on CBS, which means there will be no Survivor, which is great because I hate that show. I actually gave it a try last fall because Thursday nights are one of the only nights I watch television and Survivor just happened to be on. I got sucked in a few times before I determined that I really hated it because it really doesn't seem like surviving to me. I mean, they were in Africa and not one person was eaten by a crocodile, which got me thinking about the show and why Survivor has never been in the United States.
I told a friend it would be interesting if they put Survivor in Detroit. Contestants would be homeless and forced to live in areas with the highest crime rate. And to spice things up, CBS could throw in some crocodiles to make up for the ones that were not in Africa.
This is all relative because Detroit is hosting the Final Four this year and if my Final Four can "survive" this weekend, I am still very much alive to win at least one or two of the five pools I am participating in.
I have Gonzaga, PITT, Louisville and Memphis with PITT to win it all, but for several reasons, I'm worried all four of my teams are going down this weekend.
Michigan State and Kansas are two reasons I am worried about Louisville. Villanova is the reason I am concerned about PITT. North Carolina and Oklahoma are way better than Gonzaga. That leaves Memphis, which is the only team in my Final Four that I still have hope for.
And the fact that I have hope for the Tigers is the very reason I am worried about them. I am the worst prognosticator ever. I'm not sure I have ever won a bet, even simple ones like last fall when I bet a friend that one of the Survivor contestants would be eaten by a crocodile.
Honestly, they were playing in a lake in the middle of Africa and not one croc surfaced?
What are the odds?
Come to think of it, Cinderella's story isn't so Cinderella. She was attractive and lived in a palace. Her only flaws were hanging out with mice and that she was mistreated by rich, ugly people. It would have made more sense if Cinderella was ugly and poor. Speaking of ugly and poor, those are the best adjectives to describe my bracket, which I set on fire in the middle of the first game last Thursday.
Even with my disappointments, I know there were some quality games in the first two rounds and some top seeds saw some scares. And there was Dayton, Western Kentucky, Wisconsin and Cleveland State, which was the only real upset winner (over Wake Forest) in my opinion, but Cleveland State lost in the second round to Arizona, leaving the bracket without a compelling underdog story.
However, all the 1-3 seeds have advanced for the first time in the history of the tournament and in the South and East portions of the bracket 1-4 have all advanced. Meanwhile, the West Region features 1,2,3 and 5 seeds and the Midwest Region has 1,2,3 and 12 seeds shooting for the Elite Eight.
The Sweet 16 tips off Thursday night on CBS, which means there will be no Survivor, which is great because I hate that show. I actually gave it a try last fall because Thursday nights are one of the only nights I watch television and Survivor just happened to be on. I got sucked in a few times before I determined that I really hated it because it really doesn't seem like surviving to me. I mean, they were in Africa and not one person was eaten by a crocodile, which got me thinking about the show and why Survivor has never been in the United States.
I told a friend it would be interesting if they put Survivor in Detroit. Contestants would be homeless and forced to live in areas with the highest crime rate. And to spice things up, CBS could throw in some crocodiles to make up for the ones that were not in Africa.
This is all relative because Detroit is hosting the Final Four this year and if my Final Four can "survive" this weekend, I am still very much alive to win at least one or two of the five pools I am participating in.
I have Gonzaga, PITT, Louisville and Memphis with PITT to win it all, but for several reasons, I'm worried all four of my teams are going down this weekend.
Michigan State and Kansas are two reasons I am worried about Louisville. Villanova is the reason I am concerned about PITT. North Carolina and Oklahoma are way better than Gonzaga. That leaves Memphis, which is the only team in my Final Four that I still have hope for.
And the fact that I have hope for the Tigers is the very reason I am worried about them. I am the worst prognosticator ever. I'm not sure I have ever won a bet, even simple ones like last fall when I bet a friend that one of the Survivor contestants would be eaten by a crocodile.
Honestly, they were playing in a lake in the middle of Africa and not one croc surfaced?
What are the odds?
Thursday, March 19, 2009
The brackets of Cawley, Elam, Canizales, Pastorella...and Obama.
Yes, the real President Barack Obama's NCAA Tourmanet bracket.
KFDM's Alex Cawley, KBTV's Nik Canizales, KBMT's Ashley Elam and The Port Arthur News' Cody Pastorella, moderator of the Rounding Third blog, got together Wednesday afternoon at Buffalo Wild Wings in Port Arthur to discuss a little bracketology.
Here are the brackets they came up with:
Cody Pastorella, Sports Writer, Port Arthur News
Ashley Elam, Sports Anchor, ABC,NBC — KBMT 12
Alex Cawley, Sports Anchor, CBS — KFDM 6
Nick Canizales, Sports Anchor, Fox — KBTV 4
Barack Obama, President of the United States
...and a last minute addition to the fray...
...Mike Tobias, photographer/writer, Port Arthur News
KFDM's Alex Cawley, KBTV's Nik Canizales, KBMT's Ashley Elam and The Port Arthur News' Cody Pastorella, moderator of the Rounding Third blog, got together Wednesday afternoon at Buffalo Wild Wings in Port Arthur to discuss a little bracketology.
Here are the brackets they came up with:
Cody Pastorella, Sports Writer, Port Arthur News
Ashley Elam, Sports Anchor, ABC,NBC — KBMT 12
Alex Cawley, Sports Anchor, CBS — KFDM 6
Nick Canizales, Sports Anchor, Fox — KBTV 4
Barack Obama, President of the United States
...and a last minute addition to the fray...
...Mike Tobias, photographer/writer, Port Arthur News
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
What's your Final Four looking like?
We are less than 24 hours away from tipping off the greatest four weeks in the sports year and more specifically the greatest four days. Opening weekend of March Madness is unbelievably fantastic and here are some reasons why.
No. 1: Gus Johnson. He is a sportscaster for CBS who has the ability to change the course of a team's season just by the tone in his voice. Regardless of what is happening in the game he is covering, sometime in the second half, Johnson starts screaming, which causes a run by the losing team. The underdog could be down by 40 with three minutes left. If Johnson gets excited (and he will) look out.
Gus Johnson is so important to March Madness that I will not fill out any portion of my bracket until I find out which games he will be covering. This year, he will start out in the Midwest Region. He will be in Minneapolis, Minn. so expect Kansas or Michigan State to be upset by the second round.
I have West Virginia going to the Elite Eight where it will face Louisville. Louisville will beat Morehead State and then Ohio State to get to the Sweet 16 and that gets us to my second reason for loving March Madness.
No. 2: Bracketology or the study of brackets or in my case, the ever-changing formula I makeup in the process of filling out my brackets each year. For me, bracketology starts with Gus Johnson. Then I look at records. I dismiss teams with less than 22 wins and teams going into the tournament with any kind of a losing streak. I use anything from where the games will be played, what state a team is from, program history, and so on and so forth. I even look to music for bracket help.
I once heard a country song that claimed there is no Arizona. I have never been to Arizona so I believe it's true, which means all Arizona teams are out and no team playing in the West Region (played in Glendale, Ariz.) will win the championship.
I come up with new and useful methods every year. For instance, I had a very welcoming layover flight in Utah last summer while coming home from a wedding in Idaho where I met a girl who goes to school in Oregon, which means I have advanced all teams from Utah and Oregon to the second round and it also means Gonzaga should have the upper hand against North Carolina in the Sweet 16 since Gonzaga starts its tournament in Portland.
I have Portland State beating Xavier, Utah beating Arizona, Utah State beating Marquette and I fully expect BYU to clobber Texas A&M. Furthermore, I have BYU knocking off Connecticut in the second round and then I have the Cougars advancing (past Purdue) to the Elite Eight where it will meet Memphis or Missouri. I have to decide on that game but I'm leaning toward Missouri for two reasons. The first is because I have a good friend who went to graduate school at Missouri and the second reason is because Missouri has a nice abbreviation that makes writing on the small lines easier (MIZZU). Other examples include Zaga (Gonzaga), PITT (Pittsburgh) and Nova (Villanova).
And if you have ever had Novrosky's Nova Chips, you'll understand why I have Villanova advancing past UCLA. However, I think Duke is due and is coming on strong, so Nova's run will end at the Sweet 16. That said, PITT will breeze through Duke to the Final Four. The Panthers should have no trouble with Tennessee, Wisconsin or the Blue Devils.
In the South Region, I wanted to go with Syracuse but the Orange has burned me before so I have Oklahoma beating Morgan State then Michigan and then Syracuse on the way to the Elite Eight where the Sooners will square off with Gonzaga. I have Zaga moving onto the Final Four because I don't like teams with two letter abbreviations (OU).
To recap, I have MIZZU playing Louisville and PITT playing Zaga in the Final Four. Despite my abbreviations rule, I have Louisville topping the Tigers based on my appreciation for Louisville Sluggers when I was kid. On the other side, I have PITT knocking off Gonzaga because its program has never been to a Final Four and if it is to make it that far, the Bulldogs would likely crumble just as Adam Morrison did against UCLA in 2006. I don't believe in crying and because he did, I will never give my full support to the Zags.
That leaves PITT and Louisville in the championship game. I chose Pittsburgh for two reasons. The first reason is because the Pittsburgh Steelers beat the Cardinals, which is the mascot of Louisville, in the Super Bowl. The second reason is because I reenforced the abbreviations rule (Louisville does not have one I like) and then decided to insert the "teams with the No. 1 overall ranking rarely wins the championship" rule.
Now that school is out, we can move on to my third reason for loving March Madness.
No. 3: Reasons No. 1 and No. 2 are so great that I don't have to continue writing this blog.
No. 1: Gus Johnson. He is a sportscaster for CBS who has the ability to change the course of a team's season just by the tone in his voice. Regardless of what is happening in the game he is covering, sometime in the second half, Johnson starts screaming, which causes a run by the losing team. The underdog could be down by 40 with three minutes left. If Johnson gets excited (and he will) look out.
Gus Johnson is so important to March Madness that I will not fill out any portion of my bracket until I find out which games he will be covering. This year, he will start out in the Midwest Region. He will be in Minneapolis, Minn. so expect Kansas or Michigan State to be upset by the second round.
I have West Virginia going to the Elite Eight where it will face Louisville. Louisville will beat Morehead State and then Ohio State to get to the Sweet 16 and that gets us to my second reason for loving March Madness.
No. 2: Bracketology or the study of brackets or in my case, the ever-changing formula I makeup in the process of filling out my brackets each year. For me, bracketology starts with Gus Johnson. Then I look at records. I dismiss teams with less than 22 wins and teams going into the tournament with any kind of a losing streak. I use anything from where the games will be played, what state a team is from, program history, and so on and so forth. I even look to music for bracket help.
I once heard a country song that claimed there is no Arizona. I have never been to Arizona so I believe it's true, which means all Arizona teams are out and no team playing in the West Region (played in Glendale, Ariz.) will win the championship.
I come up with new and useful methods every year. For instance, I had a very welcoming layover flight in Utah last summer while coming home from a wedding in Idaho where I met a girl who goes to school in Oregon, which means I have advanced all teams from Utah and Oregon to the second round and it also means Gonzaga should have the upper hand against North Carolina in the Sweet 16 since Gonzaga starts its tournament in Portland.
I have Portland State beating Xavier, Utah beating Arizona, Utah State beating Marquette and I fully expect BYU to clobber Texas A&M. Furthermore, I have BYU knocking off Connecticut in the second round and then I have the Cougars advancing (past Purdue) to the Elite Eight where it will meet Memphis or Missouri. I have to decide on that game but I'm leaning toward Missouri for two reasons. The first is because I have a good friend who went to graduate school at Missouri and the second reason is because Missouri has a nice abbreviation that makes writing on the small lines easier (MIZZU). Other examples include Zaga (Gonzaga), PITT (Pittsburgh) and Nova (Villanova).
And if you have ever had Novrosky's Nova Chips, you'll understand why I have Villanova advancing past UCLA. However, I think Duke is due and is coming on strong, so Nova's run will end at the Sweet 16. That said, PITT will breeze through Duke to the Final Four. The Panthers should have no trouble with Tennessee, Wisconsin or the Blue Devils.
In the South Region, I wanted to go with Syracuse but the Orange has burned me before so I have Oklahoma beating Morgan State then Michigan and then Syracuse on the way to the Elite Eight where the Sooners will square off with Gonzaga. I have Zaga moving onto the Final Four because I don't like teams with two letter abbreviations (OU).
To recap, I have MIZZU playing Louisville and PITT playing Zaga in the Final Four. Despite my abbreviations rule, I have Louisville topping the Tigers based on my appreciation for Louisville Sluggers when I was kid. On the other side, I have PITT knocking off Gonzaga because its program has never been to a Final Four and if it is to make it that far, the Bulldogs would likely crumble just as Adam Morrison did against UCLA in 2006. I don't believe in crying and because he did, I will never give my full support to the Zags.
That leaves PITT and Louisville in the championship game. I chose Pittsburgh for two reasons. The first reason is because the Pittsburgh Steelers beat the Cardinals, which is the mascot of Louisville, in the Super Bowl. The second reason is because I reenforced the abbreviations rule (Louisville does not have one I like) and then decided to insert the "teams with the No. 1 overall ranking rarely wins the championship" rule.
Now that school is out, we can move on to my third reason for loving March Madness.
No. 3: Reasons No. 1 and No. 2 are so great that I don't have to continue writing this blog.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Releasing TO was a big mistake
Alright, here is the deal about releasing Terrell Owens — it was a horrible idea. I've pondered the issue for more than a week. I've meditated and have sought guidance from several sources, but I cannot justify his release.
He made up more than 50 percent of Dallas' passing game. On the math I'm making up for the purpose of this blog, TO was responsible for almost as much of the passing game as Tony Romo.
Basically, the team had 160 percent of the passing. When broken down, TO caught 50 percent while Romo threw for just 80 percent. That's just a difference of 30 percent, which is what Brad Johnson and the maggot receivers not named TO (also not counting Roy Williams) came up with.
If you are not confused yet, read those last few sentences again.
If you are confused, what all those numbers mean is that Tony Romo should have got the walking papers instead of TO.
I know you naysayers are ready to set your computers on fire for the blasphemy I am preaching right now, but I'm sorry, you're all just wrong on this issue.
TO is not that big of a monster. He is just confused on how to annunciate post game thoughts. Yes, he is ridiculous and outlandish most of the time. But more than often, I think he is simply misunderstood.
I mean, you never hear the guy gripe when the team wins. I recall one game this past season when he caught four passes. The Cowboys won. He was happy. On one Dallas score, TO was busting his hump down the field to throw blocks. He is a team-player who just wants to win.
I also recall a Cowboys loss where Owens had 17 passes thrown his direction. In the post game interview, he said the team lost because he didn't get the ball enough. Obviously that was not the reason Dallas loss that game and as teammates that is frustrating to hear.
But these teammates are grown men and know how TO is. Just let it go already. Who cares if he says something stupid? In my opinion, half of what TO says is inspiring. His meltdown in San Francisco ended with calling Jeff Garcia gay. Have you seen the model Garcia has since married?
Inspiring, I tell you.
Plus, I really think TO means well and I am being serious about that. He knows he can make a difference, so when his team loses, he feels he could have done more if he would have been given the opportunity.
Sure, he is not good at expressing his concerns, but is that enough a reason to cut him? Did he really cause that much damage last year?
I say he didn't. I say the problem lies with two people and those people are offensive coordinator Jason Garrett and the quarterback. Both Garrett and Romo are considerably overrated. Romo can't win big games. Garrett calls too many passing plays and both Romo and Garrett try too hard to cater to Owens' ego because they are afraid of him or something.
All Romo or Garrett needed to do was tell TO to pipe down and get him the ball when the time was right. You don't build an offense around receivers. You build offenses around an entire game plan. Quality receivers just make executing that game plan more favorable. And that's what TO gives a team: more than favorable opportunities to succeed.
Once the Cowboys got Roy Williams, they didn't need all the plays with four receivers. They didn't need a spread attack. They didn't need to sling the rock around 50 times a game because for one, Romo is not good enough to do that. Troy Aikman, a much better quarterback for Dallas, never threw the ball that much. The biggest problem with Romo is that he turns the ball over like four times a game. I think I even saw him fumble and throw an interception on the same play last year. That can't be easy.
Before letting TO go, all the Cowboys were going to need to do this season was run a double-tightend, two wideout, singleback set with Marcellus Bennett and Jason Whitten at tightend, Roy Williams and TO at receiver and a platoon of Marion Barber III, Felix Jones and Tashard Choice at running back. I could have called the plays.
It would have looked something like this: run, run, run, run, draw run, run, play-action bootleg for a touchdown. Really simple stuff when you have great personal.
I mean, I used this very plan on XBox 360 and the Cowboys won five straight championships. And I don't just credit my offensive strategy. I think the real difference between the Cowboys on John Madden Football and the Cowboys in real life is that I am better at being Tony Romo than Romo is at being himself.
The only reason my above mentioned offensive plan would not have worked for the Cowboys this upcoming season has nothing to do with TO's personality. The Cowboy's missing link is a quarterback.
If there was too much damage between Romo and TO, Dallas should have traded Romo for a couple draft picks, shored up the offensive line and picked up a quarterback late in the draft.
Romo is a joke. He's got a good eye for attractive women and quality handle on life but has a terrible eye for open receivers and an even worse handle for the football. I have a gagging reflux that flares up when I see players fumble. And with Romo on the field, I usually never hold down my Sunday lunch.
Anyway, Dallas played the he said, she said game and sided with the younger, pretty boy in Romo and now TO is in Buffalo. The Bills will probably make the playoffs and I doubt seriously the Cowboys will do better than 8-8 this season.
Romo is about as useful as a blind and lame racing horse with arthritis and a fear for going too fast. The offensive line is aging and are usually flagged before the Boys' defense even gets off the field. Garrett's decisions are comparable to that of the government's. Roy Williams' supporting cast of receivers is now less than terrible. Dallas needs another corner, a defensive lineman and a safety. Oh, and the Cowboys do not have a first or third round pick. And and and and and, they just burned $9 million releasing one of the best receivers to ever play the game because he whines a little when the team loses?
I'm already looking forward to the Astros 2010 season.
He made up more than 50 percent of Dallas' passing game. On the math I'm making up for the purpose of this blog, TO was responsible for almost as much of the passing game as Tony Romo.
Basically, the team had 160 percent of the passing. When broken down, TO caught 50 percent while Romo threw for just 80 percent. That's just a difference of 30 percent, which is what Brad Johnson and the maggot receivers not named TO (also not counting Roy Williams) came up with.
If you are not confused yet, read those last few sentences again.
If you are confused, what all those numbers mean is that Tony Romo should have got the walking papers instead of TO.
I know you naysayers are ready to set your computers on fire for the blasphemy I am preaching right now, but I'm sorry, you're all just wrong on this issue.
TO is not that big of a monster. He is just confused on how to annunciate post game thoughts. Yes, he is ridiculous and outlandish most of the time. But more than often, I think he is simply misunderstood.
I mean, you never hear the guy gripe when the team wins. I recall one game this past season when he caught four passes. The Cowboys won. He was happy. On one Dallas score, TO was busting his hump down the field to throw blocks. He is a team-player who just wants to win.
I also recall a Cowboys loss where Owens had 17 passes thrown his direction. In the post game interview, he said the team lost because he didn't get the ball enough. Obviously that was not the reason Dallas loss that game and as teammates that is frustrating to hear.
But these teammates are grown men and know how TO is. Just let it go already. Who cares if he says something stupid? In my opinion, half of what TO says is inspiring. His meltdown in San Francisco ended with calling Jeff Garcia gay. Have you seen the model Garcia has since married?
Inspiring, I tell you.
Plus, I really think TO means well and I am being serious about that. He knows he can make a difference, so when his team loses, he feels he could have done more if he would have been given the opportunity.
Sure, he is not good at expressing his concerns, but is that enough a reason to cut him? Did he really cause that much damage last year?
I say he didn't. I say the problem lies with two people and those people are offensive coordinator Jason Garrett and the quarterback. Both Garrett and Romo are considerably overrated. Romo can't win big games. Garrett calls too many passing plays and both Romo and Garrett try too hard to cater to Owens' ego because they are afraid of him or something.
All Romo or Garrett needed to do was tell TO to pipe down and get him the ball when the time was right. You don't build an offense around receivers. You build offenses around an entire game plan. Quality receivers just make executing that game plan more favorable. And that's what TO gives a team: more than favorable opportunities to succeed.
Once the Cowboys got Roy Williams, they didn't need all the plays with four receivers. They didn't need a spread attack. They didn't need to sling the rock around 50 times a game because for one, Romo is not good enough to do that. Troy Aikman, a much better quarterback for Dallas, never threw the ball that much. The biggest problem with Romo is that he turns the ball over like four times a game. I think I even saw him fumble and throw an interception on the same play last year. That can't be easy.
Before letting TO go, all the Cowboys were going to need to do this season was run a double-tightend, two wideout, singleback set with Marcellus Bennett and Jason Whitten at tightend, Roy Williams and TO at receiver and a platoon of Marion Barber III, Felix Jones and Tashard Choice at running back. I could have called the plays.
It would have looked something like this: run, run, run, run, draw run, run, play-action bootleg for a touchdown. Really simple stuff when you have great personal.
I mean, I used this very plan on XBox 360 and the Cowboys won five straight championships. And I don't just credit my offensive strategy. I think the real difference between the Cowboys on John Madden Football and the Cowboys in real life is that I am better at being Tony Romo than Romo is at being himself.
The only reason my above mentioned offensive plan would not have worked for the Cowboys this upcoming season has nothing to do with TO's personality. The Cowboy's missing link is a quarterback.
If there was too much damage between Romo and TO, Dallas should have traded Romo for a couple draft picks, shored up the offensive line and picked up a quarterback late in the draft.
Romo is a joke. He's got a good eye for attractive women and quality handle on life but has a terrible eye for open receivers and an even worse handle for the football. I have a gagging reflux that flares up when I see players fumble. And with Romo on the field, I usually never hold down my Sunday lunch.
Anyway, Dallas played the he said, she said game and sided with the younger, pretty boy in Romo and now TO is in Buffalo. The Bills will probably make the playoffs and I doubt seriously the Cowboys will do better than 8-8 this season.
Romo is about as useful as a blind and lame racing horse with arthritis and a fear for going too fast. The offensive line is aging and are usually flagged before the Boys' defense even gets off the field. Garrett's decisions are comparable to that of the government's. Roy Williams' supporting cast of receivers is now less than terrible. Dallas needs another corner, a defensive lineman and a safety. Oh, and the Cowboys do not have a first or third round pick. And and and and and, they just burned $9 million releasing one of the best receivers to ever play the game because he whines a little when the team loses?
I'm already looking forward to the Astros 2010 season.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Sports agent Scott Boras is friends with the Devil
I just read the first two sentences of sports agent Scott Boras' wikipedia page. He obviously wrote it himself because it did not say anything about his friendship with Satan. No doubt he is good at what he does. I mean, he always shows his clients the money. Well at least he used to. His own pathetic ego has burned so many bridges that teams don't even want to deal with him anymore. And another one of Satan's friends, Alex Rodriguez, fired Boras last year and gladly took a deal worth $100 million less than what Boras wanted to get A-Rod, who was already the highest paid player in the league.
In the recent Boras' saga, which is the issue I am blogging about today, has finally been put to rest. Manny Ramirez has finally signed with the Los Angeles Dodgers for basically the same terms he was offered four weeks ago. In recap for Ramirez, Boras instructed Manny to feel sorry for himself about the way the Red Sox were treating him last year. In doing so, Ramirez became increasingly unhappy. Then Boras instructs Manny to stop trying, forcing Boston to deal Ramirez to LA.
Basically, Boston saves money. Ramirez loses money by not finishing out his final two years with Boston, and he is now on a team less likely to win a championship. Then Boras tells Manny he will get him a four-year deal with a fifth-year option that was going to be worth around $120 million, but instead Ramirez has a two-year deal worth $45 million. Obviously we are splitting hairs and regardless of how things shaped up, Ramirez was and still is very rich. I just hope that Ramirez will do like A-Rod and dump Boras. I hope owners, just like LA's Frank McCourt, will continue busting Boras' chops, so that he is ultimately ran out of the league because he is the Don King of baseball. I also hope Boras is kicked by a clydesdale before he dies.
In football news, I would like to thank the Texans for getting rid of Sage Rosenfels. One of my buddies had a nervous breakdown after what he calls the Rosencopter took place against Indianapolis this past season. Rosenfels had a sure victory over the Colts, a victory that very well may have surged the Texans into the playoffs but instead Rosenfels engineered the most single greatest meltdown that sport has ever seen. Since Rosenfels was traded to Minnesota, my buddy has started eating three meals a day and no longer needs a bib. That being said, I have to sarcastically thank both Texas football franchises for signing quarterbacks from the 2008 Detroit Lions, which produced the first 0-16 season in NFL history. If you didn't know, the Cowboys signed Jon Kitna to backup Romo. Now we have two quarterbacks who can't win a playoff game. Good call. Meanwhile, the Texans signed Dan Orvloskinbauchensaucer, who couldn't hack it for a team that went 0-16! Excellent call.
In the recent Boras' saga, which is the issue I am blogging about today, has finally been put to rest. Manny Ramirez has finally signed with the Los Angeles Dodgers for basically the same terms he was offered four weeks ago. In recap for Ramirez, Boras instructed Manny to feel sorry for himself about the way the Red Sox were treating him last year. In doing so, Ramirez became increasingly unhappy. Then Boras instructs Manny to stop trying, forcing Boston to deal Ramirez to LA.
Basically, Boston saves money. Ramirez loses money by not finishing out his final two years with Boston, and he is now on a team less likely to win a championship. Then Boras tells Manny he will get him a four-year deal with a fifth-year option that was going to be worth around $120 million, but instead Ramirez has a two-year deal worth $45 million. Obviously we are splitting hairs and regardless of how things shaped up, Ramirez was and still is very rich. I just hope that Ramirez will do like A-Rod and dump Boras. I hope owners, just like LA's Frank McCourt, will continue busting Boras' chops, so that he is ultimately ran out of the league because he is the Don King of baseball. I also hope Boras is kicked by a clydesdale before he dies.
In football news, I would like to thank the Texans for getting rid of Sage Rosenfels. One of my buddies had a nervous breakdown after what he calls the Rosencopter took place against Indianapolis this past season. Rosenfels had a sure victory over the Colts, a victory that very well may have surged the Texans into the playoffs but instead Rosenfels engineered the most single greatest meltdown that sport has ever seen. Since Rosenfels was traded to Minnesota, my buddy has started eating three meals a day and no longer needs a bib. That being said, I have to sarcastically thank both Texas football franchises for signing quarterbacks from the 2008 Detroit Lions, which produced the first 0-16 season in NFL history. If you didn't know, the Cowboys signed Jon Kitna to backup Romo. Now we have two quarterbacks who can't win a playoff game. Good call. Meanwhile, the Texans signed Dan Orvloskinbauchensaucer, who couldn't hack it for a team that went 0-16! Excellent call.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
ESPN's Interactive Tuesday has to go away!
Over the last few years, there have been a few things about ESPN that has really annoyed me to the point that I developed a twitch in my right eye.
In fact, when ESPN first took over Monday Night Football and Joe Theismann was the color commentator (he is the worst ever), my overall health took a turn for the worst and I eventually had to go see a shrink, who decided to erase a selective part of my memory so I could once again enjoy all things ESPN.
Unfortunately that twitch came back last night during ESPN's broadcast of the Nebraska, Texas A&M basketball game.
I only caught the tail end of that matchup but saw enough of it to know that the game was awful and I say that knowing the Aggies came-from-behind and eventually hit a buzzer-beater to steal the game with an undeserved 57-55 victory.
And don't get me wrong, typically buzzer-beaters are exciting.
The come-from-behind method of winning is exciting.
But the Aggies did not win, Nebraska just choked so much that A&M was practically forced to take the lead, and then thankfully time ran out.
The game was not what caused my eye to start twitching, however.
See, the problem was what was happening at the top of my screen. Courtesy of ESPN, morons of both schools were able to chime in their worthless homage.
Basically, there was an interactive thing streaming for fans to log onto ESPN's website and put their comments on national television. I think ESPN is calling it Interactive Tuesday.
I was enraged with rage.
They were taking up a portion of my screen with a streaming message from some bozo named Roughneckman24 who just wanted to say "Goooooo Aggs!!!!!!"
Are you kidding me?
I don't know how long this has been going on but it needs to stop.
Is ESPN hurting that bad?
No!
No, it's not.
It's the world wide leader in sports and 19 out of 11 people I know watch ESPN at least nine times (only counting once per day) a week.
People pour into the networks by the masses.
I don't understand why they have to add all the extra garbage?
I realize the word Entertainment is what the E stands for in ESPN but to me, 90 percent of the entertainment portion is the actual sport.
The funny commercials are the entertainment.
Pardon the Interruption and other programs like PTI are what I consider to be entertaining.
Live message streaming is not entertainment!
After I stuck my finger in the wall socket four times, I was able to calm down again and start taking notes on the last 1:30 of the game.
There were comments from the following people: CMaster, GoBigRed, MidnightClubLA, MandoHusker, and Cody Pastorella, which was my name. I said, "hi mom."
(That last part was a lie.)
Anyway, my two favorite comments were from Gatorbait who said, "this is one of the best games ever."
Around the same time CYMBlue said, "this is frustrating."
Gatorbait was obviously an Aggie fan because I've never seen an episode of the Steve Irwin show that took place in Nebraska. And the only person who could have possibly thought last night's game was the best basketball game ever, would have had to be rooting for the team that needed the other team to turn the ball over 11 times in about five minutes to get back into the contest.
CYMBlue was obviously a Nebraska fan because after the "buzzer beeterr" as one fan called it, CYMBlue logged on for one last message that said his life was over and that he was not going to bother planting any corn this season.
(That last part was another lie.)
Interactive Tuesday is completely unnecessary and otherwise annoying.
I hate it. It's in the way and it doesn't make any sense how they do it.
They leave it up during live action but take it down during replays and timeouts.
If ESPN is going to continue with Interactive Tuesdays, however, I think they should leave the streamer up all day, even during regular programming, especially during the live editions of SportsCenter so I can tell Josh Elliot to stop using the word "aplenty" 3,600 times an hour, every hour.
In fact, when ESPN first took over Monday Night Football and Joe Theismann was the color commentator (he is the worst ever), my overall health took a turn for the worst and I eventually had to go see a shrink, who decided to erase a selective part of my memory so I could once again enjoy all things ESPN.
Unfortunately that twitch came back last night during ESPN's broadcast of the Nebraska, Texas A&M basketball game.
I only caught the tail end of that matchup but saw enough of it to know that the game was awful and I say that knowing the Aggies came-from-behind and eventually hit a buzzer-beater to steal the game with an undeserved 57-55 victory.
And don't get me wrong, typically buzzer-beaters are exciting.
The come-from-behind method of winning is exciting.
But the Aggies did not win, Nebraska just choked so much that A&M was practically forced to take the lead, and then thankfully time ran out.
The game was not what caused my eye to start twitching, however.
See, the problem was what was happening at the top of my screen. Courtesy of ESPN, morons of both schools were able to chime in their worthless homage.
Basically, there was an interactive thing streaming for fans to log onto ESPN's website and put their comments on national television. I think ESPN is calling it Interactive Tuesday.
I was enraged with rage.
They were taking up a portion of my screen with a streaming message from some bozo named Roughneckman24 who just wanted to say "Goooooo Aggs!!!!!!"
Are you kidding me?
I don't know how long this has been going on but it needs to stop.
Is ESPN hurting that bad?
No!
No, it's not.
It's the world wide leader in sports and 19 out of 11 people I know watch ESPN at least nine times (only counting once per day) a week.
People pour into the networks by the masses.
I don't understand why they have to add all the extra garbage?
I realize the word Entertainment is what the E stands for in ESPN but to me, 90 percent of the entertainment portion is the actual sport.
The funny commercials are the entertainment.
Pardon the Interruption and other programs like PTI are what I consider to be entertaining.
Live message streaming is not entertainment!
After I stuck my finger in the wall socket four times, I was able to calm down again and start taking notes on the last 1:30 of the game.
There were comments from the following people: CMaster, GoBigRed, MidnightClubLA, MandoHusker, and Cody Pastorella, which was my name. I said, "hi mom."
(That last part was a lie.)
Anyway, my two favorite comments were from Gatorbait who said, "this is one of the best games ever."
Around the same time CYMBlue said, "this is frustrating."
Gatorbait was obviously an Aggie fan because I've never seen an episode of the Steve Irwin show that took place in Nebraska. And the only person who could have possibly thought last night's game was the best basketball game ever, would have had to be rooting for the team that needed the other team to turn the ball over 11 times in about five minutes to get back into the contest.
CYMBlue was obviously a Nebraska fan because after the "buzzer beeterr" as one fan called it, CYMBlue logged on for one last message that said his life was over and that he was not going to bother planting any corn this season.
(That last part was another lie.)
Interactive Tuesday is completely unnecessary and otherwise annoying.
I hate it. It's in the way and it doesn't make any sense how they do it.
They leave it up during live action but take it down during replays and timeouts.
If ESPN is going to continue with Interactive Tuesdays, however, I think they should leave the streamer up all day, even during regular programming, especially during the live editions of SportsCenter so I can tell Josh Elliot to stop using the word "aplenty" 3,600 times an hour, every hour.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Was A-Rod genuine? No!
I want to come clean about my first three years of college (2001-2003). I had a very distant cousin from Sicily, the homeland I've never been too, inject me, twice a month, with a supplement of oatmeal and fish oil to enhance my wittiness. It was stupid. We didn't know what we were doing. One time, we stuck my psychology book in a blender, mixed it with orange juice and then injected me with that too. Unfortunately, there was an open-book test in psychology later that day. We did not consult anyone about our idea but it was our understanding that it was harmless. It was just a book we found in a store off the streets called Psychology or I think the locals might call it Psychologe (smirk here).
Anyway, I hope this sounds as ridiculous as A-Rod's interview did yesterday. I must admit that I missed 14 seconds of it because I left to pay my water bill while A-Rod took that awkward and unnecessary pause in which he attempted to be emotional. That was the most pathetic and funny thing I think I have ever seen in my entire life.
Before yesterday's interview, I was ready to move on. I didn't really care that A-Rod did steroids. It was not shocking news to me because steroids have been such a huge part of baseball the last 10-15 years. Whatever A-Rod admitted to yesterday, I don't think it would have mattered in the grand scheme of things, so long as he confessed it all, I mean. And I really think the general public would have forgiven him had he been honest. I also think if he would have come completely clean, his chances with Hall of Fame voters would have gone a lot better down the road.
Instead, he took a typcial A-Rod road and dug himself a bigger hole.
I've never taken A-Rod seriously and yesterday was no different. He's a joke and my disdain for him increased by 146 percent. Having said that, I would still love for him to be an Astro.
In basketball news, Tracy McGrady is out for the season (knee) but I don't think that is the end of the Rockets this season. This just makes Houston less of a contender unless they can make a deal for another scorer before the trade deadline is over. I do think T-Mac is done in Houston, as he has basically called it quits without the teams knowledge. I suspect this will get messy in the coming days.
Speaking of basketball and the Rockets, there is an absolutely wonderful article on the NY Times website (nytimes.com). It's about Shane Battier and how analyzing stats that don't show up in the box score is becoming a big deal for front offices. Reviewing these overlooked stats and how management uses the stats to evaluate a players skill level is basically a phenomenon in all sports right now, and this story breaks it all down. It's really long but interesting and I suggest checking it out. The story is called The No Stats All-Star.
Anyway, I hope this sounds as ridiculous as A-Rod's interview did yesterday. I must admit that I missed 14 seconds of it because I left to pay my water bill while A-Rod took that awkward and unnecessary pause in which he attempted to be emotional. That was the most pathetic and funny thing I think I have ever seen in my entire life.
Before yesterday's interview, I was ready to move on. I didn't really care that A-Rod did steroids. It was not shocking news to me because steroids have been such a huge part of baseball the last 10-15 years. Whatever A-Rod admitted to yesterday, I don't think it would have mattered in the grand scheme of things, so long as he confessed it all, I mean. And I really think the general public would have forgiven him had he been honest. I also think if he would have come completely clean, his chances with Hall of Fame voters would have gone a lot better down the road.
Instead, he took a typcial A-Rod road and dug himself a bigger hole.
I've never taken A-Rod seriously and yesterday was no different. He's a joke and my disdain for him increased by 146 percent. Having said that, I would still love for him to be an Astro.
In basketball news, Tracy McGrady is out for the season (knee) but I don't think that is the end of the Rockets this season. This just makes Houston less of a contender unless they can make a deal for another scorer before the trade deadline is over. I do think T-Mac is done in Houston, as he has basically called it quits without the teams knowledge. I suspect this will get messy in the coming days.
Speaking of basketball and the Rockets, there is an absolutely wonderful article on the NY Times website (nytimes.com). It's about Shane Battier and how analyzing stats that don't show up in the box score is becoming a big deal for front offices. Reviewing these overlooked stats and how management uses the stats to evaluate a players skill level is basically a phenomenon in all sports right now, and this story breaks it all down. It's really long but interesting and I suggest checking it out. The story is called The No Stats All-Star.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
A-Rod ruins lives
I just want to start by saying I have the flu and am also behind with my regular responsibilities, so excuse this week's blog. I never really think things out before I start writing, this week is no exception, but with the flu — things could get messy. I will press on, however, just as Joe Montana did when he led the Irish to a come-from-behind victory over the Houston Cougars while suffering from hypothermia.
I will press on just as Michael Jordan did when he was battling the flu during Game 5 of the 1997 NBA Finals with the Utah Jazz. The series was tied at 2-2 and Jordan was a physical wreck, if you recall, but scored 38 points to lead the Bulls to an 88-85 victory.
I will press on as Pete Sampras did in the 1996 US Open when he was sick to his stomach in every sense of the phrase but still won the match, which went all the way to a tiebreaker.
I will rise to the occasion just as Tiger Woods did with a torn ACL in the US Open last year.
Alright. That's enough rambling.
Alex Rodriguez is a jerk, a bum, a steroid user, a liar, I don't like him but he is still the best baseball player in the MLB right now and I would welcome him with open arms to Houston if for some reason he was to be fired by the Yankees.
The fact that he has done steroids does not surprise me at all. I don't know why others are shocked. His ego is as big or bigger than Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens put together.
Plus, the way things were in the late 90s and early 2000s, if you were a clean baseball player, you were cheating yourself and your team.
Their were umpires who were probably even doing steroids in the early 2000s. I know the guys behind the plate always have a massive, terminator type physique in the shoulder and chest area.
I don't think that is a coincidence at all.
Anyway, I wish that steroids would have never been involved in the sport I love so much because it has left a bad taste in my mouth and it has put an asterisks on any records that have been broken — basically — in my lifetime — so far.
I mean, I can picture sitting around the house with my grandchildren one day, talking about the good ole days and all the records and the children's responses will be, 'but grandpa, they all did steroids.'
Then they will make fun of the fact that I am an Astros fan, which will lead me to putting them up for adoption for being disrespectful.
The road ahead is looking dark for baseball and even worse for me.
Three of the best baseball players in my lifetime did steroids and are already having a negative effect on the grandchildren I may not even have.
The nerve.
I will press on just as Michael Jordan did when he was battling the flu during Game 5 of the 1997 NBA Finals with the Utah Jazz. The series was tied at 2-2 and Jordan was a physical wreck, if you recall, but scored 38 points to lead the Bulls to an 88-85 victory.
I will press on as Pete Sampras did in the 1996 US Open when he was sick to his stomach in every sense of the phrase but still won the match, which went all the way to a tiebreaker.
I will rise to the occasion just as Tiger Woods did with a torn ACL in the US Open last year.
Alright. That's enough rambling.
Alex Rodriguez is a jerk, a bum, a steroid user, a liar, I don't like him but he is still the best baseball player in the MLB right now and I would welcome him with open arms to Houston if for some reason he was to be fired by the Yankees.
The fact that he has done steroids does not surprise me at all. I don't know why others are shocked. His ego is as big or bigger than Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens put together.
Plus, the way things were in the late 90s and early 2000s, if you were a clean baseball player, you were cheating yourself and your team.
Their were umpires who were probably even doing steroids in the early 2000s. I know the guys behind the plate always have a massive, terminator type physique in the shoulder and chest area.
I don't think that is a coincidence at all.
Anyway, I wish that steroids would have never been involved in the sport I love so much because it has left a bad taste in my mouth and it has put an asterisks on any records that have been broken — basically — in my lifetime — so far.
I mean, I can picture sitting around the house with my grandchildren one day, talking about the good ole days and all the records and the children's responses will be, 'but grandpa, they all did steroids.'
Then they will make fun of the fact that I am an Astros fan, which will lead me to putting them up for adoption for being disrespectful.
The road ahead is looking dark for baseball and even worse for me.
Three of the best baseball players in my lifetime did steroids and are already having a negative effect on the grandchildren I may not even have.
The nerve.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Football season is over: Lets move on.
Football season is over. Pittsburgh won the Super Bowl and there is nothing left to talk about despite what ESPN may think. There is no reason to further discuss Arizona's great season. No need to discuss the final play or whether Kurt Warner fumbled or not or why the play was not reviewed. There is no reason to talk about how great Super Bowl XLIII was or how wonderful a catch Santonio Holmes made for the Steelers, a catch that won the game and one that will be shown in highlight reels for a long long time.
Honestly, football season is over.
You're not going to find anything in this blog about my thoughts on Warner and whether he is a future Hall of Famer. Besides, there is not much room for debate anyway.
If you lead a cellar dweller like the Arizona Cardinals to the Super Bowl, throwing for 4,588 yards and 30 touchdowns along the way and then almost upset the favored opponent, you should already be in the Hall of Fame discussion.
Then when you consider his 28,591 career passing yards and 182 career touchdowns and his two MVP seasons with the St. Louis Rams where he won a Super Bowl, this should be a no-brainer.
And Warner has done all this as a hobby. If you've forgotten, his real job is bagging groceries. I know he has Larry Fitzgerald and before Fitzgerald there was Tory Holt, but who is not going to vote for a guy whose just passing the time in between shifts at the grocery store.
If Warner leads Arizona back to the playoffs next year and has similar numbers, I say he is a lock for the HOF.
Anyway, it's time to start thinking about March Madness, the start of baseball, Tiger's return to golf and if he will be ready for the Masters. That's what we should be thinking about — not football.
I don't want to waste your time talking about the NFL draft or even hint at the idea that if the Cowboys could trade up to the first round or get a franchise offensive tackle to sure up the left side of the line that they could bounce back from the disappointments of 2008 and become a real contender next year.
That discussion is for another day.
There is no reason to talk about next year, at least not until April when the draft comes around.
Then we can hash out what else Dallas needs before next season, if the Steelers are good enough to repeat or if Ben Roethlisberger deserves to be mentioned among the other great Super Bowl winning quarterbacks in the league right now.
However, if I did talk about Big Ben, I'd have to say he is a second tier guy for the moment because his defense is so good. But I will give the guy props for throwing for more than 3,000 yards in three of his first five seasons as a starter.
But I'm just not ready to call him elite or put him in the same class as Peyton Manning or Tom Brady.
Moving on to something else, something more news worthy than football — well first — I would like to just briefly mention that I'd like to see Dallas and Pittsburgh in Miami for Super Bowl XLIV.
It would be a treat of historical and traditional value.
And if the Cowboys could get that offensive lineman I refused to talk about earlier and maybe even a strong safety and a solid backup quarterback, who could end up replacing a highly overrated Tony Romo, then I think the Cowboys are very much in place for a run to Miami next year.
But again, the NFL regular season doesn't start for another 240 something days. I couldn't care less about football right now. It's the offseason. Nothing to talk about. Lets move on.
Unless of course, you guys (readers) want to then maybe I could warm up to the idea.
Honestly, football season is over.
You're not going to find anything in this blog about my thoughts on Warner and whether he is a future Hall of Famer. Besides, there is not much room for debate anyway.
If you lead a cellar dweller like the Arizona Cardinals to the Super Bowl, throwing for 4,588 yards and 30 touchdowns along the way and then almost upset the favored opponent, you should already be in the Hall of Fame discussion.
Then when you consider his 28,591 career passing yards and 182 career touchdowns and his two MVP seasons with the St. Louis Rams where he won a Super Bowl, this should be a no-brainer.
And Warner has done all this as a hobby. If you've forgotten, his real job is bagging groceries. I know he has Larry Fitzgerald and before Fitzgerald there was Tory Holt, but who is not going to vote for a guy whose just passing the time in between shifts at the grocery store.
If Warner leads Arizona back to the playoffs next year and has similar numbers, I say he is a lock for the HOF.
Anyway, it's time to start thinking about March Madness, the start of baseball, Tiger's return to golf and if he will be ready for the Masters. That's what we should be thinking about — not football.
I don't want to waste your time talking about the NFL draft or even hint at the idea that if the Cowboys could trade up to the first round or get a franchise offensive tackle to sure up the left side of the line that they could bounce back from the disappointments of 2008 and become a real contender next year.
That discussion is for another day.
There is no reason to talk about next year, at least not until April when the draft comes around.
Then we can hash out what else Dallas needs before next season, if the Steelers are good enough to repeat or if Ben Roethlisberger deserves to be mentioned among the other great Super Bowl winning quarterbacks in the league right now.
However, if I did talk about Big Ben, I'd have to say he is a second tier guy for the moment because his defense is so good. But I will give the guy props for throwing for more than 3,000 yards in three of his first five seasons as a starter.
But I'm just not ready to call him elite or put him in the same class as Peyton Manning or Tom Brady.
Moving on to something else, something more news worthy than football — well first — I would like to just briefly mention that I'd like to see Dallas and Pittsburgh in Miami for Super Bowl XLIV.
It would be a treat of historical and traditional value.
And if the Cowboys could get that offensive lineman I refused to talk about earlier and maybe even a strong safety and a solid backup quarterback, who could end up replacing a highly overrated Tony Romo, then I think the Cowboys are very much in place for a run to Miami next year.
But again, the NFL regular season doesn't start for another 240 something days. I couldn't care less about football right now. It's the offseason. Nothing to talk about. Lets move on.
Unless of course, you guys (readers) want to then maybe I could warm up to the idea.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Talking Super Bowl XLIII
Here is an interesting and fun fact about the Arizona Cardinals and Pittsburgh Steelers — during World War II, while the league was struggling, the then Chicago Cardinals and Pittsburgh Steelers merged into one franchise. The franchise was known as Card-Pitt for one season in 1944.
In ironic fashion, the Cardinals will meet the Steelers in what will be their first Super Bowl (XLIII) appearance this Sunday in Tampa.
Here is another interesting and fun fact about the Cardinals franchise — its stupid and I don't like them.
Before this pathetic 9-7 season where they limped into the playoffs, the Cardinals had not had a truly significant season in the NFL since 1947.
That was before any Super Bowl, before cell phones, Internet and before Cody Pastorella so I don't acknowledge the Cardinals as a legitimate football team.
I'm also still very hostile about the Dallas Cowboys not making the playoffs, while the Cardinals won the NFC West with the same record.
Sure, Arizona deserved it more than the Cowboys based off of the Oct. 12 meeting where the Cardinals beat Dallas 30-24 in overtime because they cheated and injured Dallas punter Mat McBriar for the season.
Tony Romo was also injured in that game and that was pretty much the turning point for Dallas in 2008.
Coincidentally enough, this came 10 years after the Cardinals knocked the Cowboys off 20-7 in the first round of the playoffs, and that was pretty much the end of the "good ole days" with 'The Triplets' Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith and Michael Irvin.
Looking back, that 20-7 loss pretty much ended my childhood. I think I started shaving a week later.
While I do like a good underdog story, I will not be backing the Cardinals this weekend.
To get right to it, if it were not for my alma mater (Lamar University Cardinals), I would probably be working to rid the world of all cardinals, as in the actual bird.
On top of Arizona wrecking the 1998 and 2008 Cowboys seasons as well as my childhood, the Cardinals once resided in St. Louis where there is another Cardinals team I hate very much in the MLB's St. Louis Cardinals, who are often responsible for wrecking the Houston Astros' seasons and postseasons.
I have been numb to feelings of any kind ever since Albert Pujols hit that Game 5 home run off Brad Lidge at Minute Maid Park in 2005. I realize the Astros advanced to the World Series but that homer never landed and the Astros never fully recovered, which resulted in the Chicago White Sox WS sweep.
While writing this blog, I believe I have decided to never visit Chicago, St. Louis or Arizona.
Moving on to Super Bowl XLIII, I am hoping the Steelers have too much defense for Kurt Warner, Larry Fitzgerald and company.
I am not very confident in picking Pittsburgh since it almost lost to Seattle in 2005 after I had the Steelers over the Seahawks 168-4. I am also thinking Arizona's defense might just be the X-factor, as in Arizona's defense is considerably better than Pittsburgh's offense.
Nevertheless, I will pick and root for the Steelers. I will do this knowing that if Pittsburgh wins it will pass Dallas for the most Super Bowl rings (6).
Oh well, I guess.
Steelers 26, Cardinals 16.
In ironic fashion, the Cardinals will meet the Steelers in what will be their first Super Bowl (XLIII) appearance this Sunday in Tampa.
Here is another interesting and fun fact about the Cardinals franchise — its stupid and I don't like them.
Before this pathetic 9-7 season where they limped into the playoffs, the Cardinals had not had a truly significant season in the NFL since 1947.
That was before any Super Bowl, before cell phones, Internet and before Cody Pastorella so I don't acknowledge the Cardinals as a legitimate football team.
I'm also still very hostile about the Dallas Cowboys not making the playoffs, while the Cardinals won the NFC West with the same record.
Sure, Arizona deserved it more than the Cowboys based off of the Oct. 12 meeting where the Cardinals beat Dallas 30-24 in overtime because they cheated and injured Dallas punter Mat McBriar for the season.
Tony Romo was also injured in that game and that was pretty much the turning point for Dallas in 2008.
Coincidentally enough, this came 10 years after the Cardinals knocked the Cowboys off 20-7 in the first round of the playoffs, and that was pretty much the end of the "good ole days" with 'The Triplets' Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith and Michael Irvin.
Looking back, that 20-7 loss pretty much ended my childhood. I think I started shaving a week later.
While I do like a good underdog story, I will not be backing the Cardinals this weekend.
To get right to it, if it were not for my alma mater (Lamar University Cardinals), I would probably be working to rid the world of all cardinals, as in the actual bird.
On top of Arizona wrecking the 1998 and 2008 Cowboys seasons as well as my childhood, the Cardinals once resided in St. Louis where there is another Cardinals team I hate very much in the MLB's St. Louis Cardinals, who are often responsible for wrecking the Houston Astros' seasons and postseasons.
I have been numb to feelings of any kind ever since Albert Pujols hit that Game 5 home run off Brad Lidge at Minute Maid Park in 2005. I realize the Astros advanced to the World Series but that homer never landed and the Astros never fully recovered, which resulted in the Chicago White Sox WS sweep.
While writing this blog, I believe I have decided to never visit Chicago, St. Louis or Arizona.
Moving on to Super Bowl XLIII, I am hoping the Steelers have too much defense for Kurt Warner, Larry Fitzgerald and company.
I am not very confident in picking Pittsburgh since it almost lost to Seattle in 2005 after I had the Steelers over the Seahawks 168-4. I am also thinking Arizona's defense might just be the X-factor, as in Arizona's defense is considerably better than Pittsburgh's offense.
Nevertheless, I will pick and root for the Steelers. I will do this knowing that if Pittsburgh wins it will pass Dallas for the most Super Bowl rings (6).
Oh well, I guess.
Steelers 26, Cardinals 16.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
