Ed Wade equals Matt Millen

Astros record: 18-27
Last 10 games: 2-8
Last 45 games: 18-27

Month of April: 9-13
Month of May: 9-14
Month of June: 0-0 (best month so far)

Current losing streak: 7 games
Current winning streak: TBA
Longest losing streak: 7 games
Longest winning streak: 3 games

TEAM W L GB
St. Louis 28 19 -
Milwaukee 27 20 1.0
Cincinnati 26 20 1.5
Chicago 23 22 4.0
Pittsburgh 21 26 7.0
Houston 18 27 9.0

Why and How?
Several reasons!

Astros are:
26th in runs scored (193)
10th in most runs allowed (232)
Team batting average: .267 (ranks 14th)
Team ERA: 4.68 (ranks 21st)

Non statistical reasons why the Astros are horrible:
Drayton McLane: He only spends so much money and he spends that little amount poorly.

Ed Wade: As the general manager, Mr. Wade came into Houston with a bang. He immediately got my approval when he cut loose a whole lot of dead weight in the Astros lineup. Most importantly, he got rid of Adam Everett, who could not hit water if he caught a cold (that last bit won't make sense so don't read it again).

Everett's best year of hitting came in A ball where he hit .245. WOW! Seriously, I could go on for days about how much Everett irritated me. I still lose sleep, replaying images of him staring at a third strike. When I do fall asleep, I still have this one dream where Everett and I meet and I start a fight with him. He quickly realizes all the built up anger I have from his inept abilities at the plate, he fears my rage and then goes for a bat to protect himself. That's when I wake up laughing. So thank you Mr. Wade for getting rid of Adam. And thanks for replacing him with Miguel Tejada. I've actually enjoyed Tejada being an Astro. Those transactions made me like Wade. Since then, however, Wade has only given me reasons to hate him.

He traded two pitching prospects and Willy Taveras for Jason Jennings, who probably could not work through a lineup that consisted of the Jonas Brothers and Hanson. After trading Taveras, Wade figured he needed another center fielder. He also figured it was time to part ways with Brad Lidge. I totally agreed that it was time to trade Lidge. But I thought we could do a little better than getting just one prospect in Michael Bourn, who ironically is basically the same exact player as Willy Taveras.

So lets recap: Willy T. and two pitching prospects for Jason Jennings, who did not work out and is no longer with us. So by my calculation, we are down four players right there. Then we traded a fifth player (World Series winner with Phillies last year) for Bourn, who is what we started with. I love completing circles. I really do. It was always my favorite formula for solving square roots. But honestly Wade, what are you doing???????

Farm system: Houston's farm system has to be the worst in baseball. The drafting is suspect and when the Astros do select a decent player, they usually trade him away or we do not see said players until they are closer to 30-years-old. Thanks for nothing!

Finally, Matt Millen: Millen ruined America by wrecking the Detroit Lions which play in Ford Field. Ford Field was built by the Ford Motor Company, which is part of the automobile industry that is subsequently sucking the life out of our country, causing crime rate to increase (I'm just guessing), which is forcing President Obama to shutdown Guantánamo Bay. As soon as Obama thought to do that, he then decided to nominate Sonia Sotomayor for the U.S. Supreme Court. You would think this would be good for the Astros since she helped end Major League Baseball's longest lockout (1994-95) in league history. Well Sotomayor was just working us all over because she isn't really a baseball fan. I know this because I heard earlier today — on one of the 24-hour news stations (worst idea in television history) — that Sotomayor would likely vote against American's rights to bear arms.

That's just wonderful!!! How in the world is Houston's pitching going to get better if we can no longer bear arms? What's next? No steroids? Way to go Millen! You've ruined America and its favorite past time. Someone should give him a ribbon for worst person ever.

Next series: Starts Friday (May 29) at Pittsburgh
Season series: Astros lead 2-1

Next starter:
Brian Moehler, who stopped bearing arms long time ago. His record is 1-3 this season. He has earned an 8.31 ERA by giving up 24 runs in 26 innings.

Logical deductions from this blog: Moehler, Wade and Millen are terrorists.